Bad Girl? Me? Really?

Look at this innocent face. How can?

Which part of bookish, workaholic, nerdfest, hermit-aka-virgin-nun, geek with zero social life makes me a bad girl?

Did I beat or shoot any scumbags lately?

Did I go clubbing every weekend? (Once a year, yes!)

Did I establish a gangster group and start having rowdy, drunken party with loudspeakers blasting from my car louder than Dragon dance band? And have fights?

So… which part am I a BAD GIRL?

“Look at your blog header. That should ring a bell”

Balqiz, there are people out there who will tell you that you can’t. What you got to do is turn around and say, ‘Watch me’


Look, Poopface. I’m not a rule breaker. Yeah, maybe sometimes I break some rules in life but it’s so tiny and I don’t think that can be used against me in the court of justice. And the blog header DOES NOT scream “BAD GIRL ALERT! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE! HIDE YOUR HUSBAND! BALQIZ ON RAMPAGE!”


You’re a disgrace to all baboons out there.

I hate it when people explain themselves in their blog. I mean who does that? That's right. Me. Right about now.

So anyway, the blog header’s quote. Shish. Such a small matter to make a big deal over. For fucksake!

This is why I hate our society nowadays. E-VE-RY-THING people see/hear/read they blow it out of proportions. For what? For the fun of being a keypochi-busybody-gossipmongers with pea size brain.


You see, the quote is significant to everything my life. People have been telling me I CAN’T so many times and each and every time I proved them wrong.

Naysayers said, “Balqiz, you can’t pass your SPM. You escape school. You sleep most of the time. And you don’t have money to pay for your SPM fees”

WATCH ME. I sold my books to pay for my SPM. I hate school so instead; I took a bus to public library everyday and study there with all the reference books I can borrow for free. I pass my SPM with flying colors.

Naysayers said, “Balqiz, you can’t further your study. We won’t fund you. We think we’ll just be wasting our money to pay for your degree when you’ll only be playing around”

WATCH ME. I worked part time and with the help of an ex boyfriend, we gathered enough money to pay for my diploma. Now I’m taking a degree funded by a friend (he insisted to help fund it because he saw something in me that those naysayers didn’t) and next year I’m getting another degree. By 2013, I’ll have 2 degrees. Not worth it huh? Talk to the ass, bastards.

Naysayers said, “We can’t give you a job. You’re no good”

WATCH ME. I’m now working in the world second largest Oil and Gas company and hired as a permanent staff after 3 months probation period.

Naysayers said, “We can only pay you RMxxxx coz that’s what you are worth”

WATCH ME. I quadrupled that amount in less than 2 years and I’m not stopping there.

Naysayers said, “You can’t do that job. It’s beyond your capability”

WATCH ME. I presented the paper work within 3 days. 10 days early than the submission date.

Naysayers said, “I took your happiness away. Now you’ll never be happy”

WATCH ME. Oh really? I don't have to explain this part. Your eyes can see for yourself.

Naysayers said, “You can’t get married now! You don’t have the money!”

WATCH ME. Ooh! I’m getting married in 31 days and you’re not invited! Bite that BITCH!

Naysayers said, “You can’t speak nor write proper English. Your grammar is atrocious!”

WATCH ME. Err… Let me publish a book one day and THEN I’ll say WATCH ME.

And many more. So, idiots-from-the-land-of-assumptions, it does NOT make me a bad person when I quoted the saying as above.

I’m not breaking any rules.

I’m just breaking your neck face spine cord very-the-villager-presumptions about people.

Naysayers, BAD GIRL? Really? 

Later days.



I wrote this long post about my wedding preparation updates and maggotbrained-ly (yes, yes, there's no such word) I accidentally encrypted it WITHOUT SAVING THE ORIGINAL POST WHATHAHEYLAWEY!

And without the original post, I can only publish the encrypted script in which I DOOFUSLY I OVERWRITE IT WITH ANOTHER PASSWORD COZ I'M AN ANAL LIKE THAT AND BEST OF ALL... WAIT FOR IT... WAIT FOR IT...


So to those whom I emailed the password (insert nervous laughter again), do me a favour and scrap that. If I can remember what I wrote, I'll repost as soon as possible but not THAT SOON COZ GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT? The mister is back in town! OOoooOoyeah! So might gonna be busy with him and our wedding preparations.

Later days !


Whatever, fuckballs.

XX: Do you know a LOT of people follow/read your blog? 

Me: Why ever would they waste their time reading my dull, gothic emo loving full of dirty curses and bad grammar blog? Don’t they have life? Or they are as pathetic as my toenails? 

XX: That’s not funny. Just make sure you don’t insult anybody in your blog. 

Me: Can I insult their saggy ass? 

XX: Just be careful okay. 

Me: Can I CARE-FUL-LY insult their saggy ass? 

XX: Not funny. 

Me: I’m not being funny. I just find it disturbing that people have saggy ass. It’s pathetic. Since they decided to LIKE having saggy ass, I’m going to make fun of it. In my blog. Yes. That’ll be my aim in life. Life is great. Full of saggy asses. 

XX: What do you write in there anyway? 

Me: People’s ass. I’ve no life. Ass turns me on. It’s like my oxygen. 

XX: I’m going to start reading your blog. 

Me: I’m going to start writing about your ass. 

XX: This conversation is over. 

Me: Your ass is over. And out. Roger that. 

And because of that, from now on, most of my post will be password protected. Nasib engkau la labu. Sapa suruh busybody. Hambek khau. To know what's the password, email me at


Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens

"All I'd ever wanted was to forget. but even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below." ~Sarah Dessen

Dear me, last night experience should teach you a crutial lesson in life. It was a disaster but today is another brand new day. Try again. Learn to listen. Remember. Listen. You'll have another chance.


Styling Myself for a Friend's Wedding Reception -Part 1

A friend of mine is getting married tomorrow evening and I decided to wear a dress (WHOOT!) for her reception (in a hotel)

Problem is:

1) I have a measly amount of dresses in my closet therefore NOT many choices to choose from.

2) I don’t know which one to wear once I decided the two best dress to wear

3) I’ve cow’s thighs (mooooo!) So which one I should wear?


Or this? (Black & white dress bought from A Model Studio)

Please ignore the oily sticky no-makeup-I-am-not-drunk-or-on-drugs face thank you very much, God bless your critical eyes. Also yeah, the cow's calves. Just call me Betsy.


Please click the link below and gimme what you think. Thanks a bunch!


Today’s Positives:

1. I was so stressed up with work lately but this morning was the WORST EV-ER! (And yet one douchebag DARE to ask me sarcastically “What are you so busy with?” when I said I can’t talk coz I’ve tons of work to do. Like, HELLO? DO I LOOK LIKE I’M KNITTING A NECKLACE OUT OF PAPERCLIPS AT WORK NOW? DO I? DO I? IDIOTFEST!)

I called the Mister and poured out everything, snots and tears and all the wailings yetta yetta yetta and five minutes later, I feel much, much better. Thank you God for giving me such a wonderful, sweet, loving, UNDERSTANDING guy!

2. My unruly, untamed hair behaves well today! I actually look decent for the first time in a long, long time! I don’t know how I achieved this success but I’m grateful that I don’t look like a hag that had just been dunk in sewage pond.

3. I managed to sleep 8 hours last night! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! (do the robot dance) As a result, I feel fresh and energetic like an Energizer Bunny!

4. I finished lunch early and I used all the spare time to read up on a self-development book. Reading it inspires me to feel much better about everything around me. BE GRATEFUL! That’s the ultimate key to happiness.

5. I'm ever so grateful for Harry Potter. Thank you J.K Rowlings for writing all those books. You just made my day my life!

"You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!"

"What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?" 

~ Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

"Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again.

"So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking..."

~ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy"

~ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"Cinderella? Snow White? What's that? An illness?"

~ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit."

~Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Later days!


Have hope for tomorrow. Faith everything will be alright

Venue:  Miri Home for the Aged

Purpose: Providing dinner and donating some necessity such as towels

I hate those people who said, "Oh them. They receive a lot of help from some organizations every year" I'm glad they get all the help they can get because they are alone in this world and they deserve to feel cherish. No matter how much they receive in a year, IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM RICH ENOUGH TO HAVE A LUXURIOUS LIFE! If you see their conditions, you heartless bastards, you WOULD understand why I cried behind my camera. These people are old and sick and have no family. Even if they have families, they sleep and eat alone WITHOUT their family. Have some compassions okay? And give them a break.  Yes there are people out there who are living much, much worst and needed help too but  I don't know who they are. I only know these folks. So bugger off!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference ~Serenity Prayer


Worst Battle: What I Know vs What I Feel

The first time we met, he asked me what I like to do in my spare time. I said I’m an Internet junkie so most of the time I’m glued on my pc or my iPhone surfing the net. He nodded and seemed to encourage me to talk more. I told him I like photography too. No specific genre. There are days I like to take portraits. There are days I shoot landscape and so on and so forth. While talking, he noticed my hands were as animated as my facial expression.

He then asked me how my previous job in Finance and Accounting was. I said it was stifling me alive and I don’t know why. It was as if I was put in a match box and I can’t move my shoulders freely. He laughed out loud. I told him I was happy working there but something felt wrong and I was often feeling frustrated for no reason. He asked why I studied accounting? I told him taking accounting in college was the only thing I think that would give me a good job in the future. He nodded again. He said that is how Asian tends to think about their career and that I shouldn’t feel too bad about it.

I opened up more and talked about school. I admitted that I HATED school. I struggled to catch up in class and because of that; I skipped school so much so that my attendance was only 30% a year! Instead of scolding me, he laughed and said, “But I bet you excel in your study” and I said, yes! How did he know? When I’m left at my own device and study on my own, it was 10 times easy and I surprised my teachers when I passed my SPM with flying colors.

I smiled. I told him how easy it was talking to him. He grasped easily what I wanted to convey without having to explain further. I said maybe because I’ve ADD and ADD people are always misunderstood because their brain moves from one topic to another in a mere second and people find it too odd to handle. He patted my back and said, “It may or may not be ADD, Balqiz. But I’m sure as hell that it’s easy for me to understand you is because, you are a RIGHT BRAIN person”


Fact 1:

Right brains don't explain what they feel well and are misunderstood. They think of one thing, say another because their brain has already moved on to another thought. Unfortunately, their mouth is still moving. Rights often don't realize they have done so. The result is that they don't realize what they said and may even deny saying it or argue they said something else. Because they know what they "intended" to say, they are confused when individuals state otherwise. –

Fact 2:

Right-brain students are the dreamers. They can be very intelligent and very deep thinkers—so much so that they can get lost in their own little worlds. They make great students of the social sciences and the arts. They are more spontaneous than the cautious left-brainers, and they are likely to follow their own gut feelings. Right brainers are very intuitive and have great skill when it comes to seeing through lies or tricks. They would make great Survivor contestants. –

Fact 3:

Right-brain dominant people have difficulty comprehending logical subjects like mathematics and need different methods of learning than left-brain dominant individuals. Right-brain people prefer to learn by direct experience and learn information in chunks. Visual charts, hands-on training and listening to background noise while studying, like music or television, help right-brain individuals to comprehend material better. –

Fact 4:

Their speaking voice may have a singing quality and their faces may be quite animated when talking. They often use their hands when they speak and may have difficulty speaking if they are not allowed to use their

Fact 5:

Right brain people are good at fixing mechanical things and are better at geometry than algebra. They excel in the physical areas and sports that take balance and hand to eye coordination like skating, windsurfing and juggling. Drawing, painting, making movies, in great depth (all with many images and in great visual depth as opposed to auditory depth), playing games like dungeons and dragons and figuring out jig-saw puzzles, all fall into the realm of the right brain. –

Fact 6:

Right brains embrace new ideas. They are future thinkers and enjoy introducing controversial ideas. They believe that everything is possible, tend to be very creative, and don't see the pitfalls along the way. They leave those little details to the

Thank you, Sir. You opened up a new world for me. A revelation of everything that has been a big question mark to me.

A right brain huh? Who knew?



48 Hours of Pure HELL

All I wanted to do was to change the header of my blog from the old one to this:


Then, I don’t know why and how and for God-sake-WHAT-DID-I-DO-WRONG?! the entire blog layout has GONE CRAZY WONKY SCATTERING ALL OVER MY PC SCREEN! I mean, really? Of all the days to be fucking with me, it chose the day where all I wanted to do was to lie flat on my tummy and grow mold all over my body BUT NOOOOOO… I mean, come on! It was a public holiday and FATE decided to be a bitch a ruin MY LIFE!

So for the next 48 hours STRAIGHT, I was on my pc fixing all the HTML, CSS and XML code until blood gushed out of my nose. THANK GOD for all the self-taught web language I learned throughout my blogging years. Been blogging for close to 5 years already but I keep changing my blog host until I decided meh, Blogger is lesser of all demons AND THIS IS WHAT I GET, BLOGGER? I MEAN, REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

Turns out my original blog template is beyond redemption. Somehow there’s a bug that decided to reside in it and no matter what I did, it stays there like a bitch. Having a blog that resembles my great aunt’s polka dots face bothered me the whole night until I slept only for 3 hours, woke up at 5am and try to fix the bloody shit thing again and again. Epic shitfest, yo. Totally epic.

After pulling my hair out (and soaked my keyboard with blood coming out of my eyeballs) I decided to look for new templates. Yes, yes. I HAD to download other people’s template rather than MAKE MY OWN TEMPLATE. That shows how desperate I was. And being an effin fussy person DOES NOT HELP MATTERS AT ALL. Take note: FUSSY. Not OCD. FUSSY.

Scouting in the entire Internet for a perfect template is like looking for your underwear after a big orgy party. No, no. Never experience it myself (give scout honor’s sign and an angelic face)

Once I found one, it’s a matter of installing it in my blog and THEN THE BEST PART OF ALL Y’ALL, getting all the previous postings to fit in the new blog layout. MATHAFUCKHA. Again, I thank God I only have postings here up to 2009. What if I were to import all my previous postings from my previous blog here? Wouldn’t I die alone fixing one post at a time? Yes, I would. I totally would.

Some photos were posted too wide so I’ve to fix it manually (I upload photos here manually via and on and on and on it went. It was NOT FUN AT ALL.

By 7pm yesterday, I finished tweaking with this blog. Well. Not 100% finish. It’s actually 70% done. There are still widgets, links and so on and so forth that are still not install yet and some photos here are STILL poking out of the side bar but I’m dead tired and I DO NOT WANT TO SEE CODINGS AGAIN!

Hope you guys find this layout easy to navigate. Once you get around with it, please drop me a BIG THANK YOU.

Later days!

P/s Sister saw the new blog layout and she said, “Ugh. It looks like a Tumblr now. I don’t like it” WHATUFA….?! (silent mental abused scream)


The Moment I Said It...

I don’t feel guilty at all if I’m just lying around, one of my best guilty pleasures is doing absolutely nothing ~Leighton Meester 

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control ~Eat, Pray, Love

Joey: The question is, does he like you back. Because if he doesn't, this is all just a moo point.
Rachel: Uh...a moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter.
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long or did that just make sense?

 Anything that feels good couldn’t possibly be bad ~Angelina Jolie

Sometimes it's better to walk away and say, "FUCK YOU!" ~factsaboutyou.tumblr
"One day you will ask me which is more important? my life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life" ~Khalil Gibran 


I Realize…

... Lately, the feeling is getting stronger and stronger. I still don’t know what is it but I’m determined to follow the breadcrumbs. Yes, I now believe more than ever that I’m meant to do something better and greater. Soon.

... I finally achieved my perfect weight!

... Success has little to do with luck. It’s everything to do with hard work. Period.

... Saying, “I’m never going to do that because that is just NOT my thing” is an absolute idiotic thing to say. I opened up and conquered my fear towards technologies and now I'm such a tech savvy, I taught my friends everything they want to know about iPhone and err… jailbreak (insert nervous laughter)

... Me and my friend C are competing with each other on who gets to travel more in a month. It sure makes life interesting!

... I take things personally when I’m stress at work. I need to learn to let go and see it as part and parcel of achieving success at one’s job.

... As I age a year older, my body change. So does my heart and mind. And I'm happy to know, I'm accepting all that in full excitement! *SQUEEEEEE!*

... There are STILL people in this world who cannot accept other people's happiness. Whether they deserve the happiness or not, it is NOT your BUSINESS to bitch or RUIN it. I have people in my life who hurt me so bad, you can never imagine the damage they caused me. And they absolutely DO NOT deserve to be happy but I WILL NEVER stoop at their level and RUIN their life as how they RUIN mine. In fact, I pray for their happiness and hope for the best in their life. I WISH everyone CAN be happy with each other. It makes a better world for us all.

Later days


I Have...

I have learned
that to live in this cruel world 
I have to be extra strong 

I have known 
that the person who you love the most 
might hurt you the most 

I have experienced
that to be old and wise 
I must be young and stupid first. 

I have believed 
that to be close to God 
I have to have a strong faith 

I have discovered, 
all that matters in the end is my own life. 

Borrowed from Ms. Asidah's Blog


Wedding Drama Part 6 (I think it's part 6...)

Quick Update Before I Burst Into Flames

I’ve been avoiding chicken like a plague lately. I don’t know why but chicken doesn’t seem to like my tummy to stay long enough to be turned into protein. Instead, as soon as I swallow one, I'll see it again in the next few second in my toilet bowl.

So to stay alive, I’ve been cooking myself different types of vegetables. I still eat other types of meat (I’m not a vegan) but I priorities fish more in my diet. And fruits. Lots and lots of fruits. I’m now officially a half vegan (cue for angel choir) NOT. Later days!


When I said I wanted to have a full life, I didn't expect it to start RIGHT NOW

6am: Went to Piasau Boat Club for Healthy Lifestyle Jog

7am: I died and went to heaven. My whole body itched madly. I'm allergic to my own sweat. Yes. FML.

9am: Reached home, showered and rested.

11:00am: Went to Hot Cross Bun Bakery to pick up Shyuann's cake

12:30pm: Birthday lunch sponsored by Dayang

4:00pm: Reached home

6:00pm: Went to Miri Park for dinner with family.

8:00pm: Brought sister to MCMC (gastrick)

8:30pm: Dinner with Nurul, Suhai and Siti

10:30pm: Home. THANK GOD!

Photos edited with iPhone Phototreats & Instagram


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