Check List AGAIN (WHEN WILL IT EVER END, ME? WHEN?!) (Baby Making Part 26)

Checklist for Hospital Bag 

(For me) 

1. Hospital card

2. IC

3. Blouses (4x)

    • Preferably button front blouse. I don’t have one. That means… SHOPPING!!!!

4. Bra and underwear (4x)

5. Socks (4x)

6. Pads (more than a dozen I think…)

7. Towel (1x)

8. Face towel (2x)

9. Bedroom slippers

    • Preferably pink fluffy bunny slippers like the one I saw in Victoria Secret’s catalogue. I’M KIDDING, HUSBAND!

10. Nursing bra (4x)

      • I do not know where to buy this in Miri…

11. Air/Minyak Selusuh

      • Got that one! The oil I mean. Not the water… I don’t have to have both, right?

12. Food and drinks

     • Biscuits, air Zam Zam, fruits, ice creams and soda (MOM, I’M KIDDING!)

13. Pillows (2x)

      • I’ve stayed in the hospital twice this year and from that experience I know comfy soft pillows are a MUST. Even private hospitals don’t cater for your comfort coz, as you well know, they are NOT luxurious hotels.

14. Hand phone charger

15. Earphone (to listen to all the surah-surah al-Quran on my phone)

(For baby) 

1. Baby diapers

2. Clothes (4x)

3. Socks and mittens (4x)

4. Hat (2x)

5. Blanket/baby wrap (2x)

6. Baby’s girdle (2x)

    • I just realize I don’t have this! ANOTHER EXCUSE TO GO SHOPPING!

7. Baby wipes/wet tissue

8. Minyak kayu putih (1x)

Checklist for Confinement Period 

1. Confinement set like jamu, herbal baths, hot compress etc

    • Got it!

2. Sweater

    • This I have a plenty. I can also borrow from the Mister.

3. Blanket

   • I actually bought a new set of bed sheet and comforter for my confinement period. Reason: People will visit me in my room and I am not going to embarrass myself being seen lying on a shabby old bed sheet. Eek! So NOT!

4. ‘Kain Batik’

    • Mom said she’s getting 4 (or more) new pairs for me. Got that one covered too. Thank God.

5. Stockings

   • I need to dig in my cupboard since I seldom wear socks and I’ve to make sure all are matching. I tend to wear my socks with different pair since I’m too lazy to look for its correct partner.

6. Maternity bra and underwear

   • Errr… are there any sold in Miri?

7. Maternity pads

   • Got to put that in my shopping list.

8. Breast Pad

   • My best friend A gave me a box full of this thing so got that one covered too. Though I did wonder, what the freakin’ hell are these, when I first open her “gift”. Told her I’ve no boobies now and she screamed, “YOU WILL! SOON! AND IT WOULD BE LIKE WATERFALL GUSHING OUT OF YOU SO THIS IS ME PREPARING YOU!” Wow. Scary but thanks babe!

9. Girdle/traditional wrap

   • I remember Mom telling me she got this one covered too. Remind me to ask her again…

10. Books

      • This is the part I’m most excited about! I’ve been saving some books for my 44 days confinement period. So far I have all the Games of Thrones series to read, 2-3 Regency Romance books by various authors and yes, I agree, I MUST GET MORE COZ YOU JUST MIGHT NEVER KNOW I FINISH IT ALL IN MERE ONE WEEK! [Crazy frenzy eyes]

Anything I miss out, do please add in. Thank you!

FAB FRIDAY

I smell a long weekend coming our way and that means; BREAKFAST LIKE A KING!

Baby Making Part 25

Hey there Little Guy,

Here’s a confession. The first time I felt you kicking at 18 weeks, that was the time I realized, wow, I’m going to be a mother! And honestly, when the reality sinks in, it made me nervous.

I asked myself constantly; will I be a good mother to this precious child? Will I be able to provide for him all the things he needs to grow up healthily and happily? Am I capable to hold myself back and not to interfere when there are times you need to learn things your own way? And many, many other questions that swims in my head and kept me awake at night.

Your Dad said I’ll be fine when I voiced out these concerns. This is one thing you will learn about your parents: Your Dad is the pillar of strength and stability while your Mom is a basket case. We are a match made in heaven; with me driving your Dad up the wall and him scrapping me off the ceiling when I’m in my moods. Oh you will fit in nicely among the chaos.

During one of the check-up, the doctor managed to give us a good look at how you look like and I gleefully pointed out your nose which unfortunately for you, is a small rounded button nose you inherited from me. I would like to apologize in advance for giving you that nose. If you want to blame me, please, blame my long line of small rounded nose ancestors. But they are dead already so you can’t sue them.

And ever since you reach 7 months in my belly, you have been nudging me and kicking me and occasionally I can feel you rolling and don’t worry, I love your every movement! You made me giggle when you jiggle my belly like a jelly. You made me jumped when you suddenly kick so hard to tell me, “MOM! YOUR ICE-CREAM IS FREEZING MY BUTT!” and what a cute little butt you have there, dear.

We’ve chosen your name already and I hope you like it. I spend many months looking for a perfect one with good meanings. We’ve been calling you with your name, hoping you will give response like one kick if you like the name and double kick saying you hated it. But it’s a game you fail miserably coz you just kick at any names we call out. Unless, you really like to be called MOZART…?

And don’t worry, you will be clothed as soon as you come out coz I’ve started to buy you your cute rompers, pajamas, beanie hat and socks. You would not believe how expensive your clothes are! I know it’s not of your problem but as soon as you get your first job, I’m going to ask you to buy me a Prada dress. You’re welcome.

I wish I know how to make this first letter to you sappy and touching but I just do not know how too. I may have a serious demeanor at the outside but since you’ve been the victim of my constant tease (poking you when you jab me and drinking cold water so you would squirm inside –oh that was fun) you can guarantee I am going to make your life interesting. Ask your Dad. He’ll vouch for me [insert creepy smile]

We love you, little guy. Can’t wait to see you in… 82 days.

Mini Pavlova in a cup

I don't exactly know what Pavlova actually taste like. I’ve been asking some friends to bring back a piece for me from KL or Singapore but everyone said it gets soggy very fast. That sucks. I imagine soggy Pavlova would taste like old socks so I stop nagging my friends to bring back one for me. 

Tired of salivating at the photo, I decided to make one. 

Yeah. You read that right. I, Balqiz, the two left hands when it comes to culinary skill, the one who NEVER bake in her whole life, the one who thinks ‘preferably room temperature egg’ in a recipe means I have to put the egg under my armpit to ‘warm up’ the refrigerated egg, wanted to bake my own Pavlova.


WHAT. THE. 

I scouted the dessert’s recipe like a hellhound on a deadly mission. 

I finally found the easiest, simplest way and thankfully, easy. And because I am VERY NOT confident I can pull a Nigella Lawson in mere seconds (miracle does not happen to me when it comes to baking), I decided to do a mini Pavlova. 

So, on a Sunday afternoon, after battling with sugar, white eggs, corn starch and all the baking equipment that were so alien to me, I managed to create:

I don’t have strawberries or berries so I just add grapes coz good God, the Pavlova itself is already sweet and add with strawberries? No thank you! I cheated a bit by using a ready made whip cream by Nestle. 

So, my verdict? Meh. I like the texture of the meringue but I KNOW I need to improve more if I want to really enjoy a good Pavlova. But, good try, me! At least I get to use the cake mixer which has been looking at me pathetically all these while ever since I bought it.


P/s Yeah, the Pavlova look mashed here. That's because I broke the meringue just so I can squeeze it in the cup. I am a JI-NI-ES.

Oh Let Me Be... It's Me and My Belly (Baby Making Part 25)

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Art is not what you see. But what you make others see.

This intricate work of art is truly admirable.

This henna was done on my sister-in-law last Thursday for her wedding. 

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Do you remember your first henna moment?

I'm of the opinion that people don't know what a hypocrite they are about 90 percent of the time.

Friend 1: Ever since I marry ‘up’, suddenly I’m ‘in’ and those wealthy and high class people, who used to not bother about my existence, are my unofficial friends now, wanting to introduce me to their other high class friends. When I was a mere nobody, these people wouldn’t give me two hoots but now? I even received an invitation to a join the ‘in’ club just because they see me as their equal now. I hate these people! Bloody bunch of hypocrites! I am not stooping to their shallowness. I ignored their invitation and went on my own merry way and keep my so-called-low-class friends.

Friend 2: Count yourself lucky. At least they seek you out for your social class. The hypocrite is at a minimum level and very transparent. In my case, people wanted to befriend me so they can be the first to witness as and when I fall from grace. To them, I’m like a time bomb ticking, ready to explode and prove their assumption about me is right. They are itching to say, “See? XXX is BAD! She’s a menace to society! She’s an embarrassment! She’s no good! It’s expected she’ll do something like that! I told you! How many times did I tell you? She WILL show her true color sooner or later” What’s worst, I don’t know who they are until it’s too late. They follow my blog, Twitter and Facebook diligently; they are super friendly in real life and so on and so forth. But behind me, lo behold! There’s not a shred of my dignity left intake once these people finished bitching and analyzing and devouring my every words, actions, activities and such.

Friend 3: Wow. Life sure sucks big time for you guys! LOL!

Last Friday Night...

... My brother got married.

Now, 3 out of 5 of us are married and all 3 got married this year. 

It is indeed a good year for our family.

Syukur alhamdulillah...



Photo by the talented Nurul

Thank you for the nightmare I'm going to have tonight.

I hate zombies.

Hate in a new level of hate. Like, really, really hate em. I NEVER would succumb myself to watch a movie that have zombies walking around freely attacking people. Unless I get suck into it. I’m watching you, I Am Legend. Stupid Will Smith made me eagerly go watch the movie and halfway through I was ready to crap my pants. That should teach me a lesson TO FIRST CHECK WHAT MOVIE IS IT FIRST NOT JUST BECAUSE WILL SMITH IS IN IT, DUMBASS. No, I do not watch Walking Dead, the new hit TV series either.

 

I tend to make fun of zombies ALL THE TIME but the real fact is; zombies scares the shit outta me. If ever there’s a zombie apocalypse, I’ll be the first one to take a hand grenade, pull the safety pin and swallow it willingly. KABOOM! No me to be devoured by hungry zombies.

And I DO NOT WANT TO BE TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE EITHER. I don’t fancy people’s brain that much…

But I found this iPhone app called Zombifier: 3D Zombie Booth. It is totally EEEEEEEEEK! AWESOME MUCH! So I went on zombiefying myself and everything around me. It’s fun (coz our zombie photos can move too! Go check it out!) but it’s also gory, scary, freaky and AH MAI GAD I WILL NEVER SLEEP WITH THE LIGHTS OFF EVER AGAIN!

Remind me to book a time to see my dentist after I give birth. My God... My cavities are PURE NIGHTMARE!

 

That's my sister. Isn't she pretty? She's pregnant. Her pregnancy glow is TO DIE FOR! Add a designer sunglass and BAM! HOT!

 

HUSBAND! I TOLD YOU TO CUT DOWN YOUR COFFEE INTAKE! AND WHERE'S YOUR EYEBALL? DON'T TELL ME YOU ATE IT FOR LUNCH? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU! ARRGHH!

 

Gifts! Baby gifts! Thank you for all the baby gifts! Oh yeah. Zombies can't talk. So... GRRRR GROOOWWLLL AARRRRRR RRRRRRRRWWWWW MMMRRRR!

I am brainless. Love me.

FAB FRIDAY (Baby Making Part 23)

12 weeks to go!

He's due on 14th Feb 2011. I hope he'll be on time. Then he'll be our family's Valentine's gift! His dad is already a Christimas baby (born on 25th Dec) so a Valentine's baby sure would add the festiveness in our life!

   WHEEEEE!!!

Have a great Friday!

 

I feel HAPPY... oh so HAPPY... I feel HAPPY and WITTY and LARRY!

Remember my famous cough? The one I alwaaaaaaaaaaays mentioned in this blog whenever I write about my pregnancy? Oh come on! You should know it if you've been reading my blog since I annouced OY OY I'M PREGNANT! The very one that almost made me commit murder just by coughing HARD? The ban of my very existence? The one that made me howl and growl and cry and bought a dozen chainsaw at the same time? The one that made me add more curses in my vocabulary? The one that has been plaguing me throughout this pregnancy? The one I named, LARRY THE B***H? Yes. Yes. That’s the one!

Well, guess what? I STILL HAVE LARRY THE B***H in my life!!!

YOU GUYZZZZZ!!! LARRY IS SUUUUUUUUUUUCH A HOOT! I LUUUUUUUUUURVE LARRY SO MUCH SO THAT I WANTED TO THROW IT A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SURPRISE PARTYYY TO SAY OH EMM GEE THAAAAAAANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!! *sarcasm*

But because of Larry, I bought this:

What is this? It’s a baby Doppler. Or a fetal heart rate thingamajig. You can hear your baby’s heart that beats STUUB-STUB-STUB-STUB-STUB in your belly. It’s an awesome device. Especially to those first times mother (LIKE ME! ME! ME! YOOOOHOOOO!! *pointing to self while jumping frantically*) who gets worried ALLLLLLLLL THE TIME, wondering and asking;

1) STOOOOOOOPID LARRY MADE ME COUGH SO HARD DID I HARM MY BABY DID I DID I DID I?

2) OH CRAAAAAAAAP I ATE A WHOLE DURIAN FRUIT JUST NOW AND ACCORDING TO THE PREGNANCY ARTICLE, IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE BABY! ARRRHHH!!! HOW DO I KNOW MY BABY’S OK OR NOT? Or;

3) AAAAAAAAAAAHMAAAAAAAIGAAAAAAAAAAD! I SLEPT ON MY STOMACH THE WHOLE OF LAST NIGHT! DID I SQUASH MY BABY INTO A PULP?! Or simply;

4) You’re bored and you’re curious about your baby’s condition and embarrassed to harass your doctor to scan ALL. THE. FREAKING. TIME. CHEMICAL X, Y U NO AROUND SO I CAN BE MUTANT AND HAVE X-RAY VISION?

If you’re a pregnant mother and have been asking yourself these questions all the time, I suggest you get this baby Doppler to help ease your mind. Listening to your baby’s heart beat is another way to bond with your belly button baby.

And your husband can listen too so he won’t feel left out.

I bought this during my first trimester and now since my baby is practically a ninja and he’s not ashamed to show me his strength, I don’t use it much. I now only monitor him by counting his kicks. Ouch. So now my baby Doppler is being used by my sister who is 3 months pregnant.

If you’re interested, try getting this in Lelong.com.my and buy it from this seller: Anuarict. He gave me a really good deal and fast delivery. Thumbs up!

Till then, ciao!

A person's belief system.

Who you are right now is the sum total of your most closely held beliefs. Your beliefs determine how you perceive your life experiences.

One person may face a difficult situation and becomes depressed because she believes that she doesn’t have a choice about that situation. On the other hand, another person may face the same situation but is able to handle it resourcefully because she believes that she is always in control, no matter what happens.

Same situation but different outcome. Why is that so?

The answer lies in the person’s belief system.



By Luke Bong

WARNING: A lot of FLESH shown not suitable for narrow minded people (Baby Making Part 22)

How intriguing is the title eh? Made ya click! Boo yah!

No, there’s no nudity here. Ha-ha!

Just my FAT, FAT SELF which people said, “Oh it’s perfectly normal to be fat when you’re pregnant” But because I’m an idiot and my brain has been brainwashed by our society who finds ‘skinny’ to be fashionable, the IN thang, en vogue, bla bla bla oh what a cruel, cruel world, I feel slightly embarrassed to be photographed especially when my arms are the size of a footballer’s hard sexy thigh [insert an image of a disgusting looking drooling pregnant woman] Yum.

BUT! But because I STILL think pregnancy is beautiful and I love to archive my every moment in life, so… behold! Feast your eyes on my get-together-party which was initially a baby shower but due to unforeseen circumstances, we had to cancel it (Miri was hit by crazy storm and a lot of people cancel which is pretty understandable) so we turned it into a BBQ dinner since there were many chicken wings ready to be devoured. Some friends and family still came and we had a blast!

Thanks you guys!

Deco was done by my sister:

Some baby photos of the mister and I:

Gift for guest. It's a potted plant (real plant!) with a card saying "Thank you for coming! Please take care of this plant. Our baby would like you to keep the earth green for him!"

Mom made some last minute muffins and donuts:

Red velvet cuppies from Nurul and Siti! I've never tried red velvet before so I was blown away when I ate it. VERY DELICIOUS !!! Thank you to Nurul and Siti!

Ermm... yeah. Me *koff* No makeup. Pale. Arms the size of a oil tanker. La la la la la [singing in my head to kill the awkwardness]

But Ooooh! Thank you to all for the gifts! I didn't expect any coz well, it was supposed to be a BBQ but THANK YOU STILL! The little hoodie sweater was from Nurul and I was calculating in my head, how much weight should I shed in order to fit in that blue sweater...

Some of the crazy people who weather the storm to attend the party. I'm touched!

Photos were by Nurul and more can be seen in her Facebook.

Such a tired game...

Lately, I’ve been feeling downright bleakly. I wish I can blame it on my hormones but this time, my hormones have been a perfect A student. It’s not my first time facing what I’m facing now. If not, my middle name would not be MISS-UNDERSTOOD.


Don’t worry, me. I’ll survive. No more walls.

[Singing Fucking Perfect by Pink the whole week… Coz I totally relate]

Made a wrong turn

Once or twice

Dug my way out

Blood and fire

Bad decision

That's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated

Misplaced

Misunderstood

Miss knowing it's all good

It didn’t slow me down.

Mistaking

Always second guessing

Underestimating

Look I'm still around

You're so mean

When you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead

So complicated

Look how we all make it

Filled with so much hatred

Such a tired game

 It's enough I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons

I've seen you do the same

So cool in line

 And we try, try, try

But we try too hard

 And it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics

Cause they're everywhere

They don't like my jeans

They don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves

And we do it all the time

Why do we do that?

Why do I do that?

... I bet someone's gonna use this post as another MISUNDERSTANDING to condemn me. Sigh... Not everything is about you, you know...

Crazy and I

There was a time in my life, Crazy was my only friend and also one of my 1001 problem.

Because of Crazy, I was never alone. In a big house, all by myself, I felt safe coz I have Crazy with me. We would watch TV, eat and sleep together. Sometimes in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep or plague by nightmares, Crazy and I would climb on the balcony and stood there, asking ourselves, “If I jump… Would it make any difference to the people around me?”

Because of Crazy, I drove at 12am on a New Year’s eve watching fireworks from afar, wishing I have a genuine person next to me, holding my hands and hug me and smile and say, “HAPPY NEW YEAR! I LOVE YOU!” but I just have Crazy shouting and screaming and crying, “FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUUU!!!” instead.

Because of Crazy, no one knows the battle I faced. Crazy made me promised to have a smile on my face all the time but leave the demons only in my eyes. I was quite. I was depressed. I was solemn and sorrow but I smiled when people ask, “Is everything okay with you?” Smile. Smile. Smile. Crazy said no one could help me. No one could take the pain away. So suck it up, bitch. Life is a big pile of cow shit. Bear and live with it.

Because of Crazy, I did many things I was not proud off. I threw childish tantrum. I broke half of the things I own. I took massive amount of pills to shut the world down. I was reckless. I was suicidal. I was destructive. I was a destroyer. I was impulsive and Crazy governed my every move, my every thought and my every words.

All these because of Crazy.

I wanted the love, the attention, the life and the understanding of being a person with needs.

I wanted the acceptance, the sense of belonging, the responsibilities, and the cherish moment of being as one.

I didn’t get shit.

My world was upside down, thrown around, messed up and finally, all hell break loose. So that was when Crazy came into my life. Prodding me slowly to retaliate, to scream my needs and wants, to demand to be given what was promised, to cry when my pain was too much for me to bear and to make me want to tear my soul into thousand pieces.

Now, now Crazy is no longer with me. I buried it together with everything in the past.

But there are times, I would go back there again, like right now, not to dwell on what had happened or what could have been but to remind myself of the lesson I learn throughout the experience.

I learn things happen for a reason.

I learn that if I ask, I will receive (from the right person)

I learn that I am not alone.

I learn that if I don’t learn from life, I will face the same problem again and again until I learn and change from it.

And remind myself once in a while; I am indeed perfect without Crazy in my life. Or maybe there is a little bit of Crazy left in me… if not, I won’t be blogging like a nutcase ☺

FAB FRIDAY

Need I say more?

Dear, dear me. What have a I done?

Dear Me,

Since I’m you and you’re me, I know you so well. Maybe not now, maybe in the near future, or maybe very soon, you will ask yourself these questions: WHAT DID I DO THESE PAST FEW MONTHS? WHY I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING? WHAT WAS I SO BUSY ABOUT? WHAT, FOR GODSAKE, HAPPEN IN MY SECOND TRIMESTER?

And that’s where I came in.

My dear scatterbrain dove self, as I said, I know you. You know me. As you ask yourself all those questions, you will ask your husband, “Do you remember what we did last few months?” and he will answer, “Hmm… The usual? Golf? Bike ride?” and you, ever so frustrated with his answer will give him the evil eye and say, “That’s what you do! Not me!” and you went into your cave and pout for 3 weeks.

And then slowly, it’ll strike you; HEY! I HAVE A BLOG! LET ME CHECK WHAT I WROTE IN THAT 3 MONTHS AND THE MYSTERY ARE SOLVED! But alas… there’s nothing much in there except your stupid rants and 2-3 updates in like… 3 months? Again, ever so frustrated, you clawed your Mac screen in super annoyance and storm into your cave and pout for another 3 weeks.

So, me… Sigh…

To spare you for the future frustration and pouting and storming dramatically to your ever so posh and glamorous cave, let me highlight to you what has been going on lately while my brain is still fresh.

So far;

1. You have been busy attending dinner parties, wedding, and functions with friends, family and colleagues –almost every night. In a week, you only cook once at home. And by cooking, I mean, water. You cook water for drinking. ONLY. Well done. At least you accomplished SOMETHING.

2. You have been admitted in a hospital for 2 days and was given a strict instruction to rest for 2 weeks (refer to this post). Throughout that whole 2 weeks, you only stepped out of the house 3 times. The first time was to buy banana fritters 5 minutes away from your house, second time was to have family dinner at your sister’s house (Mom picked you up) and the third time was to buy the new Percy Jackson book (The Son of Neptune). Other than that, you were a couch potato watching Friends DVD 24/7. Bravo. Now there’s a cluster of green moles growing on your butt for sitting/lying on the couch that long. You are NOT WELCOME.

3. You went to work, came home, cooked dinner, tired and fell asleep at 9pm. You are indeed THE BAD GIRL, THE HAPPENING ONE, and THE PARTY GIRL everyone likes to talk about. Way to live up your reputation, woman!

4. You decided to stop blogging. For the I-don’t-know-how-many-zillion-times. And you decided to screw that coz you’re weak. Again, for the I-don’t-know-how-many-zillion-times.

5. There’s a mysterious coding in your blog that you do not how to get rid of. And there’s a glitch somewhere that for some reason does not allow some browser to see your Facebook fan page. So, since you’re bored and lazy and plus, no time whatsoever to twiddle with the layout and coding and stuff, you decided to hire a professional to create a new layout for you. The layout will be done by December and hopefully will be up before New Year.

6. You’re friends and family plan a baby shower for you. You thought you’re just gonna sit back and do nothing. Nope. YOU ARE NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON. So now, at this very moment I’m writing this, you’re also busy helping with the preparation. You JUST HAVE TO BE in control, don’t you? Some things just don’t change.

7. For the first time in how many years, you just stay put in Miri for the longest duration of time! There’s no traveling except the one time trip to KL during your 3rd month of pregnancy and you went there just coz you wanted to EAT! Then there’s the short day trip to Brunei to watch movies. This year is indeed your cost recovery year and so far, you have reduced your credit expenses and hopefully by next year, you are totally debt free. Then and only then you allow yourself to buy a new car. Ah… you have grown up to be a responsible person, aren’t you? [proud]

8. As for work, inevitable changes occurred which you thought would be the end of the world (Ever so the drama queen) but turns out to be an excellent opportunity to move even further up. God is mighty generous with you this year. Alhamdulillah…

9. At the same time, baby is well, healthy and kicking and punching and doing God knows what in there every day. It makes you smile, laugh and cringe coz it can be quite painful, weird feeling and sometimes even awkward. Imagine sitting in a meeting and your baby decided to participate and give his honest opinion about the whole thing by giving 3-4 huge big kick till the people sitting next to you can see your belly moving. Yes, he’s indeed a treasure. Love him to bits!

That pretty much sums up what has been going on lately in your life, me. If you think that this summary is a bit off, stupid, lame, incomplete, boring bla bla bla, well, eat dung, you!

Till then, do create a more happening, adventurous life MINUS GETTING ADMITTED IN THE HOSPITAL PLEASE. Then, your life won’t be so boring.

Ciao.

OI YOU! YES, YOU! BUY ME NEW MATERNITY CLOTHES PWEZ!

I now know how it feels like to be a dangerously deranged person strap in a straightjacket. It’s scary. It’s suffocating. It’s like there’s a herd of zombies at your door and you have no way to escape except gnawing your own arms and pretend you’re one of them. But in my case, I wanted to gnaw my own dress off my body.

You see, today I had the craziest wardrobe malfunction ever; I couldn’t take this dress off.

I was literally STUCK.


When I first put it on in the morning, all was peachy. It fits me nicely and I went to work. Then I noticed that getting in and out of the car was a struggle and I kept flashing my panties to the world whenever I step out of the car. The dress was getting mighty tight. Seriously, tight. I am getting bigger and rounder and even my size LARGE dress no longer fit me.

So at lunch time I went home, went to my dressing room and started to strip. At first, I lifted the dress to take it off from my head. But it got stuck at my chest. What. The…?

I put it back on and tried to reach for the zip at the back. I couldn’t reach it. Huh? I KNOW I’ve gotten FAT but shrinking hands? I had to stretch my right hand to my back hoping my hand would suddenly lengthen itself and reach the zip and guess what? THERE IS NO ZIPPER AT THE BACK!!!!! How am I going to get out of this dress!!!

I can’t tear the bloody thing! The dress cost me RM180 for crying out loud! RM180 may means nothing to you but it’s A LOT OF MONEY TO ME!

So I tried the first method again; lift the dress up and get it off upwards.

That was when the zombie thought went into my head. I got stuck. Stuck like an obese mouse in a tight narrow pipe. With both of my hands up, I was frantically struggling to get the dress to pass through my chest and I tried everything; jumping, pulling, tugging, screaming like a psychopath on a murdering rampage, you name it.

I was seriously in tears! My dress was on my chest, both hands flailing above my head, my belly was protruding glaringly and I had my granny underwear on (I know it’s called maternity underwear but it looks more like a granny’s underwear than not so shut it!) and HELL NO AM I GOING OUTSIDE SCREAMING FOR HELP IN THAT CRAZY CONDITION! I RATHER DIE!

Then miraculously, I managed to calm the hell down. I sat on the sofa, inhaled and exhaled and slowly pulled the dress down. It had to be done slowly coz the dress was AS I SAID EARLIER ON- REALLY EXPENSIVE and I was not about to tear NOT A THREAD on that dress which scarily was starting to constrain my breathing. YES, IT WAS THAT TIGHT WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I PUT IT ON THIS MORNING GOD KNOWS! I managed to put it back on my body without any harm done. I decided to just go to work with that torturing device people called FASHION on and decide later how to get the F**K out of it.


 

So yeah I didn’t manage to take it off but at least I survived the straightjacket experience.

I went back to the office and told the story to my colleague. She inspected my dress and said, “The zipper is on the left side of the dress lah Balqiz”

Yes, the idiot has been unleashed and she’s pregnant. Beware.