At least my life plan is not about world domination

In the next few months, I will be embarking a new chapter in my life. I applied for SVS from the company I worked for 10 years (and no, I didn’t make the decision overnight) and for the first time in a long, long time, I let go and embrace the unknown that spread in my future.

The last time I took a dive knowing and believing God is there to guide me was when I married Joe. You see, I always fashioned myself as a control freak. Wanting to plan, know and control every step of my life. I planned when to be married, to have kids, where they would study, what’s for lunch, what I would study and where would it bring me. I was a rigid planner who gets hives when my plans went awry.

But as years go by, I started to see a pattern with my plans- nothing goes as I plan it to be! Okay, probably what I plan for lunch happened once in a while. But overall, most didn’t go where I wanted it to be but instead it lead me to somewhere much, much better.

If I didn’t take a job as an XX in a XY department, I won’t meet a colleague who introduced me to my current passion right now. If I didn’t meet Joe, I wouldn’t have my herb garden now (my father in law gave me my first herb) and I would not ever in my entire lifetime guess that I love gardening. If I were not placed in a new team after the first company restructuring, I probably would still be thinking about my 8-5 job, earning salary every month and occasionally treating myself for a vacation or two (I’ll talk about this in a different post)

What I realized from here is that I am a planner but God is the better planner and He knows what’s best for me. I can plan and be adamant to follow rigidly my plan until my eyeballs cry blood but if He, The One Who Knows More, say, “Balkizz, that idea suck balls. I have better one for you. Here, catch!” and more often that not, I caught it and I’m glad I did.

And for that, whatever happens after this decision has been made, I say Alhamdulillah.

My Talking Monkey

Last night was the first time Naila and me had an actual conversation like two intellectual human being. By that I mean, she can speak properly and not some gibberish monkey language. I was so proud of her that her speech is getting articulate and more advance by the day.

I remember how worried I was that she was not talking at an age where kids should be talking. I was thiiiis close to bringing her to see a speech therapist. Despite people telling me I should just give her time and that eventually she will talk, I was not satisfied with old wives theory. So I took matters in my own hand and with the help from Joe and Kaisan, we embarked on the journey to teach Naila to talk.

And she's talking now. I'm very happy. I don't complain when she talk too much. In fact I feel proud that she achieve this milestone despite doctor once said she might have speech difficulty one day due to her tongue.

Last night, Naila and me had a long discussion. Even though it was about why she should not use my pads as her diaper (long story for another day), I wanted to hug her and tell her I'm so so happy but she was being serious about her curiosity so I just smile and I explained to her in a way that her 2-year-old brain can understand.

Keeping Up With Social Medias

I’m having trouble keeping up with everything lately. Be it social media, be it movies, be it my kid’s progression, be it anything- you name it. Everything is either moving too fast or fast getting obsolete. 

Take for instance, blogging.

I love blogging. I love writing. I love reading blogs. However, nowadays there are mini blogs and photo blogs and many more. I used Dayre for a while but because it’s a medium where I can only write using my phone, after a month, my thumbs started to throb badly. I went and checked and Doctor asked me to slow down on the “phone texting”. I get it.

Then there’s Instagram. I like Instagram but I can’t write much in it. Same with Facebook. Writing too long and people find it annoying. Only those who like to read my ramblings appreciate my “long status”.  

I tried Snapchat. I’m still new to it and I’ve nothing to post in it. My only subjects are my kids. It gets boring after a while watching kids doing average kids things.

So here I am. Back here again with blogspot.

Some says that blogging is dead.

Some says blogging is still around and will be around longer than you can say ‘whatsapp me’.

Sigh… first world problem.

Movie Addicts

I just want to record this down before I forgot. Knowing how easily my brain leak memories through my nose… Achoo!

Joe and me have this one tradition that definitely spells N-E-R-D-A-L-E-R-T. You see, whenever we go watch a movie at a cinema, we tend to dress up following the movie theme.

For instance, Avengers first movie, we all wore Marvel’s t-shirt. For the second Avengers movie, Kaisan choose to wear his Captain America mask and shield. I can’t remember what Joe was wearing but if I’m not mistaken it was an Ironman’s sweater.

For Starwars last December, the boys (including all my cousins) wore Jedi’s costume. I wish I had photos of them in their clocks and light saber flashing and all. I know. I can simply just go to their Instagram and get some but I’m lazy. There. Confession number 351.

And many more movies and costumes that I cannot recall. 

For tonight, since we were going to watch Zootopia, the kids came in as crocodiles! Watch the video below. I don’t feel like writing much tonight.

Damn This Haze

One thing I’m always grateful about it how fast I recover from surgery. Like the time I had c-sec with my daughter, I was already walking around the ward 4 hours after surgery. You can say, the nurses were pretty shock to see me shuffling like a zombie to check on my baby at the nursery.

My gum was still bleeding yesterday but pain was zero (probably because I stuffed my face with painkillers… Oops!)

However I was suffering from a different thing - HAZE. My housing area was hit rather badly. The smoke went into the house and I was sneezing, my eyes were itchy and I was coughing badly. The kids had to be contained in the house the whole day and their frustration and nags to play outside was enough to make me want to ship the entire family to Alaska. I rather live in a cold climate than living in this hell of a haze country.

Today I woke up and the first thing I did was to sneeze. Shit. Haze is still going on strong. What’s worst- my daughter has flu and since she doesn’t know how to keep it inside her tiny little body, she’s now like a walking leaking faucet that sings, “Let it go”. I HATE FROZEN MOVIE UGH!

Naila loves it. She’s such a girly girl that I wonder what did I eat when I was pregnant with her? I mean, I’m such a tomboy and when I had Kaisan I was over the moon that he was a boy. Boy, I know how to handle. Girls? Not so much. And when we have Naila, I admit I was scared bad shit.

How to care for a girl? With my so alpha female masculine tendencies, will I turn her into a version of Xena the Warrior Princess? (Yes, I’m THAT old that I still remember Xena) But turns out my fear were for naught coz she made her own personality and behavior. She’s a girl and she decided she wants to stay that way –stereotype and all.

She’s a strong minded girl who goes for what she wants and not shy to tell/show the world that this tiny girl loves Frozen and no matter how her parents discourages her to like Black Widow from Avengers instead, she’s like “Dude, let it go! Frozen is here to stay!”

And that’s how the story of haze in Miri goes in my household. Welcome to my wandering mind.   

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