Sarcastic Retorts Exist Only in My Head

I’m running out of energy to pull a fake smile and answer ever so politely to people’s questions. The. Very. Same. Questions. Over. And. Over. Again. My sanity is rattling vigorously so here I list down my sarcastic comeback which unfortunately only exists in my head and never to be uttered out loud. Too bad.

“Wow! You’re showing already! Are you sure you’re not having twins?”

I’m not sure… the other day during scanning the doctor did muttered something like, “Holly molly is that a sperm whale inside her?” *shrugged nonchalantly*

“Do you want a boy or a girl?”

It doesn’t matter. As long as the baby’s healthy and burp rainbows, I’m happy.

“I bet it’s the hormones that causes all the pimples on your face”

I bet you were born through your mom’s anus coz I swear at first glance your face reminded me of the great white ape.

“So, tell us. How did it happen?”

Well… I was cleaning the living room and suddenly I tripped on something on the floor, landed on my husband’s dick and voila! Pregnant! What? Did you expect something more romantic?

“Where will the baby sleeps?”

In the washing machine or somewhere in the garage. The baby won't take much space.

“How are you feeling today?”

Gassy. Oops! That was me. Bask in my pregnancy glory!

“How far long are you?”

About 46 months.

“You’re glowing!”

Really? This smelly, sweaty lil’ old me? I feel like a garden slug but if you say so… Thanks!

“Since you badly want to get pregnant and have your own baby, just live with all the morning sickness, fatigue and so on. Stop complaining”

*On bended knees*Eyes looking up in heaven*Hands wide open* Sweet merciful purple monkey butt, give me strength to whack this lady’s head with a shovel and I swear it’ll make me feel so, so much better!

“Oh I hope what you’ve done to your Mom won’t happen to you in the future with your own child. Coz you just hate to hear your Mom say I TOLD YOU SO”

Did I tell you the father of my child is your husband? Honest to goodness. Would a pregnant woman lie?

Don't mess.



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