There's a Dead Frog in Your Car

When the Mister exclaimed, “There’s a dead frog in your car”, my immediate response was, “Holy fuckballs! I sat on a dead frog throughout all the time I was driving? And I didn’t notice it? What is wrong with my ass? Why can’t it feel that there’s a dead frog underneath it? Has my ass loss all its magnificent senses? It can shoot laser beam but not able to sense a dead frog on its baby smooth skin? Is it dead? My ass I mean. Should someone give my ass a mouth to mouth? Hello? Are you STILL listening to me or your mind had drifted off somewhere?”

Of course, THOSE questions only existed in my head.

Instead, I calmly asked my husband, “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? A DEAD FROG? HOLY HELLBOY! IS IT SMELLY? STINKY? WITH MAGGOTS ALL OVER IT? WHERE WAS IT? EW? EW! EW! EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!”

Turns out, the dead frog’s carcass was in my engine.

Not INSIDE my engine but it strategically placed itself on a flat surface somewhere in my engine. I don’t know what is the name of that “place” or “thing”.

If anyone asks me anything about car’s engine, I can only point at the radiator and said, “Now that looks like something I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER know neither its name nor its function. What? That’s a radiator? What’s a radiator? Is it like an alligator crossbred with a raccoon? Does it shoot laser beam like my ass does sometimes? No? Then it’s NOT INTERESTING AND LA LA LA LA I DON’T UNDERSTAND ALL THOSE TECHNICAL WORDS YOU’RE TALKING NOW LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA”

So why don’t I show you a picture of it instead.

 

At first, I thought it was a dried up chewing gum or an Inca Mummy's nose.

 

Then I looked closer and ... and I vomitted in my mouth.

DISGUSTING!

Shit, how long has it been there? By the look of it, it  looks like its been there a gazillion million years, I bet. I swear THAT thing you see, yes, that PART where the right leg should be, THAT is a cobweb.

*Vomit in mouth*

That's it. I'm buying a new car!

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