Quite possibly one of my biggest fears

Sometimes when I’m bored I would read back some of the recent posts I blogged about but lately, my posts has been a big pile of buffalo’s dung. There’s no enthusiasm, no spirit and no joy. It’s dry, boring and plain. The posts are purely I-need-to-post-something-so-let’s-blog-about-oh-whatever-I-can-type-within-5-nanoseconds. And as a result, it becomes an extremely MUNDANE post that “I” myself wouldn’t want to read even if my life depends on it.

Push aside the fact that I don’t have a device to blog (FOR GOD SAKE HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FIX MY iMAC APPLE PEOPLE?!) and push aside the fact that I don’t have much time ever since I have a baby. I mean, those are REASONS. Excuses, if I may be so cruel to myself. If push comes to shove, I can use my phone. I can even borrow my husband’s Macbook to blog but no, it’s obvious I just don’t have the juice to bring myself to write my story because all my life juices went to the fact that I’m happy. Fact: when people are happy in their REAL life, they spend less time in the World Wide Web and dedicated their time to actually LIVING with real life people instead of spending time with unknown faces online. And I’m one of those people.

I have been blogging for years. This blog has changed the themes, the purpose, the layout, the style and the name so many times that I can’t remember what my initial purpose of having a blog in the first place. I just maintain it because I like writing and I like… receiving the perks that comes with blogging –the money is good. But when the enthusiasm slows down, that’s when I started to panic. Already that I slow down in my reading (Time is not an excuse but the fact that there are no good books around to read is the main issue here) and slowing down in my blog is a sign of terminal disease that will spread until death do us apart –in layman term, stop writing entirely and focus on living [insert shrieking monkey sound]

I have been reading and following blogs for longer than I have been blogging and I follow quality blogs and when I blog, I aspire to post quality posts too (Well, not as high quality as the topnotch bloggers but HOLY MOTHER GOOSE THERE’S JUST TOO MANY “BLOG” & “QUALITY” WORDS IN ONE SENTENCE I DON’T EVEN!) when I posted crappy posts, I feel so dirty like I just posted a naked photo of myself in the shower with my caesarean scar glaring menacingly.

There’s no real purpose of writing this actually. It’s not a justification about my lack of appearance here. I guess it’s just my excuse to get myself warm up to writing again and post it for my future reference one day. If you are still reading this up to the end, I must applaud you for your ability to keep on going despite knowing I am not making much sense here.

Till then, ciao!



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