OO EMM GEE! WE ARE SO BEE EFF EFF!!!

So turns out there are no such thing as miracles and that fat man with a beard in the red suit? Yeah, he doesn’t exist too. Awww… did I shatter you itty-bitty world with that revelation?

Suck it.

I didn’t get my iMac.

I didn’t get pregnant.

I didn’t get my winter Europe trip.

I didn’t get a brand new car.

Oh. Woe. It’s. Me.

I know. I know. Other people have it worst. No food. No home. No clothes *roll eyes* Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pfft. I’m gonna quote you one of my favorite character of all time;

Ally McBeal: “What makes my problems so much bigger than everybody else's? THEY’RE MINE”

That usually shut people up but then again, there are those who don’t get the hint that HEY, I’M MISERABLE HERE SO YOU GIVING ME ‘YOU-SHOULD-BE-GRATEFUL-FOR-WHAT-YOU-HAVE-SHIT’ IS LIKE STABBING ME WITH A FORK OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON MY WOUNDED SOUL THANK YOU VERY MUCH ASSHOLE.

Can’t you tell I’m PMSing here?

I was complaining talking to N about my ‘world-most-devastating-news-EV-ER’ and she said, “Bukan rezeki kitak bah,” (It’s not your luck yet –oy, my translation sucks) and instantly I glared at her and screamed, “THAT is the LAMEST comforting words EV-ER and it DOES NOT help to comfort me AT. ALL!”

She burst out laughing. Oy…

It’s true isn’t it? We try our best to comfort a sad/angry/frustrated/depressed friend by saying things that actually does not comforts him/her not one bit but we say it nevertheless THINKING and most probably ASSUMING we said the right thing at the right time. Why do we do that? Because it’s the right thing to do? Why don’t we just shut the fuck up and maybe, MAYBE, pat our friends at the back and say, “I understand”? But then again, some people would explode and scream, NO YOU DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH! *and there goes another round of messy chainsaw massacre*

Oy. What a dilemma.

Some of the words-of-comfort-that-means-shit-to-those-in-despair;

1) It’s meant to be

2) Things happen for a reason

3) It’s not your luck/fate

4) Other people have it worst

5) I HAD it worst before

And many more.

Dude, three words: YOU’RE. NOT. HELPING.

Shut up.

What’s worst is when we experience death in our family members and while you’re crying your heart out, a moron or two usually come up and sadly say, “My aunt/uncle/nephew/grandfather/neighbor/cousin/in-law passed away too last week”

LIKE WHATUFA…? So what if your aunt/uncle/nephew/grandfather/neighbor/cousin/in-law died last week? Is that your way to comfort someone? By telling people you ALSO experienced a loss? WAY TO TAKE MY LIMELIGHT BITCH! Or you want me to grieve for THEM too? Like as if I have enough tears and heartache to grieve for EVERY-FUCKING-DYING-SOUL in this world? So what? Now we’re equals? We are buddies for life because a family member of yours DIES too? What kind of sick mentality is that?

Again, YOU’RE NOT HEEEEELPIIIINGGGG!

Take for example, a real life scenario I faced few months back:

One colleague had to rush back to Kuching, Sarawak because her brother was diagnosed with cancer in the brain. I patted her back and didn’t say anything coz I am the type that knows SHITS about giving comforting words especially to those in grief (I tend to giggle like I’m high on marijuana when I’m nervous. Yeah, bad, bad trait to have ESPECIALLY when attending a funeral. My mom bans me from attending ANY funerals. True story), poor colleague was getting all her stuff ready to go home to catch the earliest flight she can when another colleague came and asked whatsup like, “Dude, whatzaaaap!” Kidding. I told em what happened and this other colleague immediately said, “My aunt had brain cancer too”

Like, WOW! OO EMM GEE! WHAT A COINCIDENT! MY BROTHER HAVE CANCER AND YOUR AUNT HAVE CANCER! WE ARE SO BEE EFF EFF!!!

*roll eyes*

Is that… supposed to be comforting? Are you trying to say, hey I have what you have so yeah, don’t worry about it. If I can survive from it, so can you! *give two thumbs up*

Coorrrnyyy!!!

Ok. Maybe I’m PMSing (I seriously am actually) or maybe I’m bitter because the things that I wanted, I didn’t get it this time (I’ll get it soon. Usually happens that way. First I make a big drama out of it and then POOF! It’s all lining up in front of me) but is there a sure way to comfort people?

I’m asking coz the only thing I can think of to comfort someone is to show them my boring-as-fuck-shadow-puppets. What? You’re pet cat died of kidney failures? Awww… I’m sorry to hear that… *awkward silence* I can make shadow animals with my hands! Tada!

Bai.