Sanity is now below the normal level.

This post-vacation mood at home is really depressing. Add with a super duper cranky baby who is having fever, diarrhea and flu, the atmosphere at home is like a wet dirty dark cave with bats that screams earth shattering, “HOLY GUANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” before they eat your face. I choose to sleep as early as 8pm just to run away from the heavy gloomy feeling at home.

My fever broke the night after we reached Miri but Kaisan only get his fever on Tuesday. He has been OH MY GRACIOUS so cranky throughout our trip in Singapore and Johor Bahru that I was contemplating on the best way to auction him on Ebay without getting arrested.

At first I thought he was just uncomfortable with the changes of environment or unhappy because we messed up his nap schedule. I told myself that he’ll be back to his cheery self when we’re back in Miri.

But after 2 days at home, he still is a baby banshee, screaming and crying and refused to take his bottles. Oh it is sooooooo stressful! He refused his formula in the bottle and only wanted to be breastfed. I thought he developed a new dislike towards his formula and dreading the fact that we have to go on a crazy rollercoaster ride finding him a new formula again like before.

So I told myself, screw the formula. Let’s give him water. But he STILL FREAKING REFUSE TO PUT ANYTHING IN HIS MOUTH EXCEPT MY NIPPLES! THERE. I SAID IT. I’M CRINGING INWARD KNOWING MANY PEOPLE I KNOW WILL READ THE N WORD AND IMAGINING IT GROWING ON MY FOREHEAD WHEN THEY SEE ME. WHATEVER.

Since Kaisan is also having really bad diarrhea, we had to find any means whatsoever to get water down his throat. We even tried to feed him milk via syringe! That didn’t work much because he THREW A HUMONGUOUS TANTRUM THAT SHOOK THE WORLD AND AWAKEN THE MIGHTY KRAKEN.

So, no water. Food, no problem. He loves his porridge that I made and from there at least I know he’s not starving. As for water, I just breastfeed him as much as I can and occasionally I give him ice Popsicle that I made with just water and let him suck on it. He enjoys it and for once, he’s quiet and for me, it’s a big relieve because at least there’s water in his body.

Then last night, while trying to feed him his medicines, guess what? I FOUND TWO TOOTH PEEKING OUT FROM HIS UPPER GUM! No wonder he has been a ferocious man-eating bear. He’s teething! And, wait. TWO? I am so going to have a pair of bleeding nipples…

That pretty much explains why he refuses his bottles. Maybe the tits are giving his gum pain. I don’t know. That’s just my rough guess. I’m willing to take any explanation right now because I’m super exhausted. Lack of sleep. Helpless in trying to make it easy for Kaisan. Tired. Bla. Bla. Bla. Wait. This is not about me.

So anyway... He lost a lot of weight and it breaks my heart to see him whimpering for me whenever I come home. My poor baby… I don't like it that he’s sick but I love that he’s super clingy with me, wanting to be hugged and cuddled all the time. I miss my giggly, sunny son.

Get well, my sweet. Kaisan’s Tooth, GROW FASTER AND STOP GIVING MY SON PAIN.