Another Month? Plus Some? Whoo-hoo! Get Ready To Be Cranky(er)! -Baby Making Part 33

I almost couldn’t believe that today finally is Friday. LIKE, REALLY? IT’S FRIDAY? YOU’RE NOT KIDDING ME ROITE? ROOITE? [Insert unbelievably large bulging red menacing eyes]

Yes, FINALLY tomorrow is Saturday and the next day is Sunday and I can rest and sleep and lift my legs up like #taukeynio for two straight days. That is… if I can stand NOT to do laundry or cooking or cleaning or vacuuming…

O Sloth in me, please hear my plea… make me a lazy, lazy marsupilami…

I’ve been drearily and tiredly diligent about the whole being heavily pregnant and still going to work and coming home and cook and clean over the last couple of days that I swear I was up to a point that I was only functioning on sheer will alone.

I don’t walk as fast as I used too. Nowadays, it takes me at least 10 minutes to walk from my car to my office building when before, it took me less than 3 minutes. When I walk, I figuratively drag my feet; one at a time, to wherever be my destination is while biting back sighs and groans over my painful legs. The other day I solemnly acknowledge a baby snail was moving faster than me and if I’m not wrong, I heard ‘em cackled, “LOSER!” when it managed to overtake me. Whatever. At least I have opposable thumbs! And I can drive a car! Hah!

People who see me rollin’, they hatin’ at the office corridor always either;

1) Plaster themselves to the wall as so to give me a wide space to move about (DO I LOOK LIKE A HAIRY, SWEATY MAMMOTH TO YOU GUYS?), or

2) Grimacing and cringing as if they can feel my pain or the fact that my giant belly scares them. Oh sweet merciful crap, people! Pregnancy is BOO-TEE-FOOL! See these stretch marks lining up my ass? THAT’S BOO-TEE-FOOL! I repeat BOO-TEE-FOOL! (I don’t know am I making any sense at all right now)

Braxton Hicks comes as often as a million bazillion times a day now and I’m handling it like a pro. But at nighttime, while I sleep and my belly started to harden up so hard, I whimper like a slobbering monkey. Some says it’s because my belly gets too cold (I sleep with the air-condition 17 degrees and full blast fan –all at the same time. What? I’m a mammal. A breeding, hot blooded mammal) While my doctor assures me Braxton Hicks is normal and that it just shows the delivery is coming soon. How soon, I asked. He just grinned. That is not an answer! GIVE ME THE DEFINITE ANSWER!

Since my doctor is not cooperating with me very well, I went and ask my baby instead. I tapped my belly and asked, “Son, when are you coming out? Week 37?” no response. “Week 38?” Silent. “Week 39?” again, nothing. “Week 40?” Slight movement. “Are you coming out at week 40?” Nothing. “Ok, let’s try this again. Maybe my voice was muffled by all the food I gorged just now. So, are you coming out on week 37?” Kick. Nudge. Kick. “Is that a yes?” Nothing. “SON! YOU ARE SO INDECISIVE!” and the Mister said I’m crazy.

During my last check up, my doctor detected white specks on my placenta. This is called Placenta Calcification. I was, of course, was already pulling every hair on my head when I heard this even though I have no freaking idea what the hell was it. Turns out it s a sign of premature aging of the placenta and that the more it calcified, the less amount of nutrition and oxygen going to the baby. Hearing this, I went instantly bald and biting my nails rapidly. Doctor said not to worry, as it is normal in the third trimester. Again, he is talking to a wrong person. ME? NOT WORRY? LOOK AT THESE NAILLESS FINGERS! LOOK AT THIS BALD HEAD! YES! THAT’S WHAT I DO WHEN I’M WORRIED!

I went to another doctor for second opinion and again I was assured all is well and it is normal. TRYING HARD NOT to worry, I told the second doctor of the pain I have in both of my arms. She said (what I already know based on my research **ahem**Google**) that it is indeed Carpal Tunnel but with a twist –It is also water retention. I know what you’re thinking –WATER RETENTION ON ARMS? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? She went on to explain to me where and how and whatchamacallit thingamajig about water retention and Carpal Tunnel and how it relates yetta yetta yetta boring dull oh gadz let’s talk about plumbing instead maybe it’s more fascinating snore snore snore.

So her conclusion is: wear a wrist guard.

It works. My arms don’t ache that much. But it doesn’t goes with anything I wear. Bah. Humbug.

So yeah, after many days of not typing, I managed to type today. Both arms feel much better and I hope, hope, hope once the baby is out; I will no longer have to use that Robocop wrist guard (which everyone assured me that all pain will be gone, vanish, kapoof and zilch after giving birth but I’m not putting my money on that old wives tales –Google said some women retain the pain, the marks and scars of pregnancy and so I am on standby mode for any signs of permanent damage)

That’s my pregnancy update for now. Tune in for the next ranting another week or time, whichever comes first.

Till then, ciao.