Oh Wow. Angry Me Coming Right Up!

“You’re so bitter lately. What’s up your ass, mommy-to-be?”

1. Yes, I am bitter. I will get back to that later.

2. And in my current mood, the last statement added my bitterness. To me, that sarcastic remark to tell me to take a chill pill and that as a mother to be, I shouldn’t be cursing and ranting too much? Well, get the fuck off my lawn if it bothers you too much, O-righteous-one!

About my bitterness that I’ve been spewing lately, I ask you, who wouldn’t be bitter when you have a so called “close friend” who insult and put you down with her every words. Oh she doesn’t say it right to my face of course. She does it in her own sneaky, slimy way by inserting it in a joke and butters it up by laughing it off. There’s nothing funny about it. Not one bit.

I’ve been keeping it silently inside for the past few months but lately Balqiz is spewing bloody bullets back with every insulting remark she receives!

Look, everyone who knows me, KNOWS what a good friend I am. I don’t think twice to lend a hand when help is needed and to me, sacrificing time, energy and money to help a friend in need is always worth it. I may not be a saint or dripping with wealth and shower people with money and such but I like people in general and find them fascinating. I guess my genuine interest in what they are saying, their ideas, their problems and so on and so forth, makes me a good listener and an understanding one.

I listen patiently to people EVEN WHEN they brag, complain, bitch and rave. I give advice when ask or when necessary. If they refuse to listen, fine by me. I’ll still be here listening. But everything comes to a halt when my effort is being slam dunk HARD and FUCK to the ground.

Like, come on! When she cried her eyes out because of heartbreak, I was there with both shoulders for her to cry on. When she got promoted at her work, I was there to cheer for her success. When she needed help, I was there to do all that needed to be done. And many, many more. Not once I envy her rich, successful life because to me, everyone deserves the blessings they receive, be it fair or not. Maybe she works hard at it? Maybe it’s her karma? God knows and I am happy when she’s happy. I am always happy when any of my friends are happy.

But what do I get in return? She insult me personally and put me down as if I am worth nothing more than a dead beetle’s carcass.

Where did I go wrong? I don’t know. All I know is that this so called friend of mine finds me the perfect candidate to churn out her anger, jealousy and malice at lately. I know that despite her so-called perfect life that she always brags about, she’s actually unhappy underneath. So when I’m happy, she’s torn whether to be happy for me or to allow her jealousy that she’s not happy herself to surface. Most of the time she spew it out and I get the brunt of it. And because she’s selfish and wanted the limelight to shine on her all the time, she makes everything that happen, all about her. Even when it’s MY success and happiness, she will MAKE it all about her instead.

And when that is not enough, she will openly put me down and insult me just to make her feel better about herself.

When I share with her my passion, she question and ridicule it. E.g. “You blog? WHY? That’s so lame! Like, come on! Blogging is for pathetic bozos! Hahaha! Are you pathetic? Or a bozo? Hahaha!”

When I tell her of my happy news, she said she’s happy for me too but then later will make fun about it as if my success is a bloody joke. E.g. “Congratulation on your latest promotion! I am so happy for you! Too bad the increment is not as big as what I received last year when I got promoted. But it’s better than nothing right? At least now you can afford to buy yourself the Couch handbag you always wanted. Couch. Hahahaha! Yeah that’s a brand that only people like YOU can afford hahahaha I go for Gucci or Prada and I have a whole wardrobe full of it!”

When I said it’s my dream to have a family of my own, she said I’ll be wasting my life away taking care of a wailing infants and made me promise to never have a child for the rest of my life coz she would hate to lose a friend to a baby.

I know. DAFUG, right?

I don’t know how all these while I managed to put up with her. But during this pregnancy, my tolerance level is below average. And that explain the bitterness shooting out here and there lately.

Recently, she exclaimed out loud that all her friends are getting married and that she has no intention to get hitch anytime soon, let alone breed like rabbits. And that she rather uses all her money and time on a fabulous vacation oversea.

I asked her point blank, “Are you insulting me? Coz it feels like so since I am breeding now”

She said, “Of course NOT! I’m just talking about my other friends!”

What other friends? I can count with my Carpal Tunnel Water Retention fingers how many friends she has and how many are currently pregnant or even married. ONLY ONE and that person IS ME.

So I fired back, “Really? And who are these friends of yours?”

“Oh you don’t know them. They are my colleagues and yoga buddies” she answered nonchalantly.

Tired of her artful dodger way, I simply said, “Look. Even if you REALLY meant your other friends with that statement, I am still offended because it does sound like you’re talking about me since I am married and starting my own family. Next time when you want to insult anybody, make sure you look around first to see whose listening”

Still defending her innocent, she said “Aww come on! You know me! I’m not talking about you! I’m just tired of these people who constantly talk about their upcoming nuptial and they pregnancy updates and so on and it’s boring. I’m just saying I’m better off being unmarried than shackled like they are. Life sucks for them”

“And you constantly showing off your wealth and success are not boring for your friends? And that when you’re happy, it’s NOT boring for your friends to listen about you going on and on about it? Be human for once in your life. This selfish slut image is getting thin”

And I stopped our conversation then and there. Bitch needs a spice slap once in a while but hormones don’t allow me to lift my hand so instead, words is enough for now.