O Hail Wonder Woman! Work It!

I’ve been having some terrible weeks due to exhaustion and lack of sleep. Normal occurrence when you have a baby (people and the Internet has been stressing this over and over again yeah yeah I know I’m not complaining I’m just stating a fact blah lah lu!)

When I reach my limit and can’t function normally (like putting Kaisan’s dirty diaper in his cupboard and his pajamas in the rubbish bin –it happens. Trust me) I would get either the Mister or my mom to take care of Kaisan while I go somewhere and rest.

I shared this with a friend last night and somehow the idea of me doing so gave her an impression that I am a lazy mother who relinquishes my responsibility to other people so that I can lift my feet up and paint my grotesque toenails red while other people take care of my son.

She, being a full time mother of X many kids said she would NEVER EVER thought of asking her husband or her mother or anybody to take care of her children so that she can SELFISHLY rest. “A REAL mother put up with all the pain and hardship of taking care of their children because THAT’S WHAT A REAL MOTHER DO. It’s OUR DUTY TO SUFFER FOR THEM”

W-O-W. I can’t believe I was having a conversation with a hardcore Neanderthal mother at 4am (I have friends all over the world who more often than not, are either up at an ungodly hour or at different time zone and we often take the time chat but unfortunately not all of them are as fun as I am)

Suffer for our kids, huh? Seriously, REALLY? Like, REEAAALLLY are you for real? I have one word for this kind of thinking –BULL-FUCKING-SHIT.

Yeah sacrificing and suffering for your love ones is noble and all but it is only meaningful in YOUR HEAD. I studies psychology and I learned that most women find the act of martyr is something to be proud of and it denotes their womanhood or some shit like that. Like for a fact that a lot of my female friends scorn me for having c-sec instead of going “vaginal”. Somehow, going c-sec to them is taking the easy way out and I am not a real mother and unable to FEEL like a real woman because I didn’t allow a baby to tear my vagina into many pieces like they did.

If you’re one of those female thinking like so, today’s post is not for you. Move along your perfect womanly world and come back again tomorrow for posts you can relate to.

Look, yes, being a super-wonder-million-dollar-woman sure sounds exciting and people practically worship your act of martyrdom but deep down, ask yourself, “Whom am I trying to prove with all this sacrificing business?” Are you REALLY trying to impress people or the fact that you are actually trying to tell yourself something? Like maybe, you have a nagging thought that you are actually NOT a good worthy person and by sacrificing yourself for things that slowly destroy yourself day by day is your way to tell yourself, you ARE INDEED A GOOD person?

I know I am not a good person. I admit pointblank that I am lazy, selfish to the core, serious anger management issue and many more but one thing I know is that I am not a hypocrite to myself. I will not lie and I cannot and will never be a superwoman. I know my limit. I know where to stop before I reach a point where I will destroy myself if I push more.

When I’m tired, lack of sleep and body aching everywhere, I tend to be disoriented, forgetful, resentment towards any living things around me and in my rational mind, it is dangerous to be in that state. What if I fall asleep while feeding my son because I’m too tired? What if I take it on my husband in anger for no reason whatsoever just because I haven’t slept in 4 days?

When I tell my friend this, she said, “Maybe you would feel like so. I don’t. I can never feel too tired or angry with my kids. When I’m too sleepy to feed my baby, I will do anything to force myself to stay up and alert. It’s all in your mind, dear. If you THINK you’re tired, then you ARE tired”

O Hail Wonder Woman working The Secret to the utmost!

It was already 5am in the morning and I was waaaaaay too sleepy to argue more. I admit she have a point. It’s all in the mind. But when my brain is as battered as the rest of my body, all I can motivate myself to do is crawl to a nearby corner, keel myself and die.

Despite what has been discussed, at 6am today I packed my son’s bag and called up my mom to say I’m sending Kaisan for her to babysit for a day. As soon as the Mister left with Kaisan to drop him over at my mom’s, I went back to bed and had the longest sleep I’ve ever had in 2 months plus. I woke up, feeling fresher than ever and produced a very well written post in mere 30 minutes.

Selfish? It depends on your moral grounds rules of motherhood.