Wearing My Baby Full-Time

Last night, the Mister and I went on our first date night after many centuries my delivery. We left Kaisan with my mom to babysit.

We went for dinner then later a movie.

Everything was nice and dandy EXCEPT I was miserable the entire evening. Oh my gad it was the longest date ever! I kept asking for the time and constantly checking my phone.

I WAS MISSING MY BABY SO BADLY I CAN’T EVEN!

Throughout the movie, I was contemplating on ways I can get out of the cinema without the Mister knowing, silently drive the car to my mom’s and grab my son and drive back to the cinema and sneak him in so I can hold him forever and ever and after.

Oy. I have a bad case of separation anxiety.

I can’t imagine how am I going to be when I’m back to work. Argh! Just the thought of it makes me want to dig a hole and scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Bloody hell. Is there a way I can be a stay at home mom and still earn what I earn at work? While I’m at it, double my current income? Hello? Is there a genie somewhere bored out of his wits that wants to grant wishes on mothers with serious separation issue?

I love my son to bits. I’ve never felt this much love for anyone in my entire life and at times my heart feels like it’s about to burst with all the love it contains for my sweet baby.

I love everything about him. To me, he’s a perfect example of what love should be. He can never do no wrong. Even when he gives exploding stinky smelly poops, he’s still cute and adorable. And all I want to do is hold him close to me every second of my life because I know, soon, I’ll start work and I won’t have the chance to be with him during the day.

And because of this, I broke one rule that has been drilled to every new mother since the very beginning of time. Yes, even during the cavemen time. Folks, brace yourself. I’m about to confess my sin – I CARRY MY SON 24/7 AND PICK HIM UP EVERY TIME HE CRIES.

There.

Women everywhere has been admonishing me about this and I still keep doing it. They said it would spoil him.

Well…

1) I don’t care, and

2) THAT’S A LOT OF BULL!

“There are a lot of benefits of keeping baby in close physical contact. Contrary to what we have been taught to believe, research shows that babies who are held and carried all the time and get their need for touch well-met in their first year do not become clingy and overly dependent. They cry much less and they grow to become happier, more intelligent, more independent, more loving and more social than babies who spend much of their infancy in infant seats, swings, cribs, and all the other plastic baby-holding gadgets that don't provide babies with human contact.” Excerpt from The Natural Child Project.

There. My instinct was right.

I got so fed up with people telling me off about carrying my baby that I bought books and spend hours online to read up about it and HAH! New mothers out there, take my words: ALWAYS, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCT. If your guts tell you to do something entirely different from the oldwives ways, do it. Our instinct is our primal guide and there are times where you must trust your subconscious to make the decisions.

From the time of his birth till now, I have been carrying him. Even when we sleep, I hold him in the crook of my arm. He sleeps better and longer when I hold him. I made a mistake by listening to people that he must learn to sleep independently by putting him in his crib and I guess that explains why he was sleeping badly last few weeks. Well, that, or the fact that his sleeping pattern hasn’t been properly adjusted yet. But once I started to hold him again, we sleep longer and peacefully.

Yes, carrying him around does hinder my movement and daily activities. That is why I have been looking high and low for a comfortable sling. I can’t find any in Miri so if you know where I can get one, online or anywhere else, do tell.

My baby changes everyday and he will only need me in this way for such a short time. Carrying him close while I can is my way to enjoy him. I can feel the warmth of his skin; his calm breath rising and falling, and the looks upon his little face when he sleeps and his smiles. Carrying him brings an intimate bond between us that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.