Kaisan's Birth Story -Part 3 (Last)

6th February 2012

I haven’t slept since Saturday.

I haven’t showered or changed since Saturday.

I haven’t eaten anything since Saturday.

If I’m not made if stronger stuff, I think I would run around screaming like a crazy loon.

As the sun started to rise, I began to see clearly the whole room and the occupants in it. It was heartbreaking. All the mothers looked tired and wary. Each and everyone have the same agonizing look on their face and I felt their pain. Some were there for more than a week. I can’t imagine how it feels to be staying in the hospital more than a day. For me, few hours there was already torturous let alone 5 days (The nurses said Kaisan will be admitted for 5 days due to his jaundice)

The lady sitting next to my bed was a native lady who had been in the hospital for 3 days. She said her baby also have jaundice. When the rounding doctor came, she eagerly asked, “How many days more, Doctor?” The doctor, whom I secretly dubbed ASS HOLE OF THE YEAR, looked at her chart and snickered, “Do you know what is wrong with your baby? He swallowed his own shit (meconium) and do you know how dangerous that is? To make matter worst, he has jaundice. Do you what’s jaundice?”

The lady kept smiling and said no, she doesn’t know but would like to go home as soon as possible. The doctor sarcastically answered her, “Oh you want to go back huh? Where do you stay? In a village far away from this hospital right? How did you come here in the first place? By bus right? If I send you back home now and you’re baby continue to be sick, how do you think you’re gonna bring him here fast enough? You can fly, is it?”

The lady still smiled, not knowing how to response to the rude admonishment from the bloody asshole.

I was seeing red just hearing it all. If I were not weak from the ordeal I went through, I would get up and smack the smirk on the asshole’s face with my faded bedroom slippers. Can’t he explain it nicely to the lady instead of smirking and being sarcastic and all? She doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her baby due to her lack of education and language barrier but it doesn’t give the bloody asshole the right to be such a high and mighty son of a bitch who looks down on people lesser knowledge than him.

When it was 9am and still no sight of the specialist doctor, I began to fidget. Waiting was an agony of its own. I was contemplating to run away bringing my baby with or without the letter from the doctor. Then I realized, shit I can’t do that. My baby’s birth card is with them. I need Kaisan’s card for him to be admitted in Columbia. So I waited.

10am. Still no doctor. The nurses said he would be late because it was Public Holiday and he had to cover a lot of patients. FINE.

The mister brought me some rice and chicken to eat but I was too tired, too worried, too many things going on in my head to eat anything.

I refuse to put Kaisan under the blue light because I loathed the idea of leaving him alone in the plastic crib. I don’t mind holding him despite my arms were falling asleep. The Mister and me take turn to hold Kaisan. Whenever we try to put him on the bed, he would wake up and cry. The absence of our body heat when we put him down made him feel exposed and scared. I believe that he remembered what had happened to him and because of that my baby was traumatized and unable to left alone or hold by anyone aside from the Mister or me. I blamed those idiots who jabbed him everywhere!

In the daylight, we inspected his bruises. There were 4 holes each hand. On his feet, a black and blue bruise the size of a 20cent coins marked a needle was prod there too. No wonder he was screaming his lungs out last night… BLOODY HELL!!!

Close to lunchtime, the specialist came and as soon as he reached my bed, I explained to him everything and told him my request and he said okay and only then I can breath easily. Kaisan’s blood test will be send to Columbia Asia for their further action. That means, no more taking his blood. Syukur alhamdulillah…

We brought Kaisan to Columbia Asia and were admitted immediately. Maybe I am pampered. Maybe I am spoiled but having a private room with my own bed, air-condition, my own toilet and friendly and cheerful nurses immediately relaxes me. They told me I could hold Kaisan while putting him under their very modern phototheraphy and I was so glad coz I can’t bear to leave him alone.

7th February 2012

A nurse came to take his blood sample to see whether his jaundice was still high. She was so nice and understanding that she assured us that they only prick the palm of his feet to draw a little bit of blood and that was it. THAT WAS IT? THEN WHY DID THE GH DOCTOR AND NURSES NEARLY PUNCTURED MY SON FLAT WITH NEEDLE JABS HERE AND THERE? The Columbia nurse shook her head and told me I should complain. She said the IV was not necessary because his temperature was normal and his jaundice was very mild.

I blamed myself until now for NOT thinking of Columbia in the first place. I should’ve brought Kaisan there instead of GH. It’s my one regret that I will live for the rest of my life.

Less than 24 hours later, we were discharged and free of jaundice. 

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When I think back, I wonder where did I get my strength to survive those nightmares I went through? I mean, I had c-sec and yet I moved all about like as if I was well. I forgot the pain of my cut, the hunger I felt, and the discomfort of my unclean, unwashed self.

My will to fight was strong. I guess that’s what people always say, “A mother’s love is something no one can explain. It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain”