Wedding Drama Part 11 ~BEAUTY: No Pain. No Gain.

These past 2 days, I’ve been scrubbed, waxed, plucked, shaved, bathed, soaked, clipped and steamed so thoroughly that I swear if I stand naked in a sun, I glitter.

It’s a world whirl experience on its own, these beauty regimes.

I’ve never been wax before so when I did it two days ago, I was screaming like someone just poured boiling magma onto my body. No laughing matter, dude. Then plucked, plucked, plucked. DO I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY CHICKEN TO YOU? FML for being too hairy for my own good... *sobbing*

In one day alone, I was soaked twice, steamed up for a good half an hour and was scrubbed maniacally that I swear I walked out of the spa without my skin. The spa can keep my broken, torn skin that I left on their floor. Keep em. Might worth something in the future.

Then in the evening, “mandi bunga”. The water that was poured on me was FREEZING COLD! If I’ve balls, it’ll be the size of a pin head right now.

I know I should be grateful that everyone around me loves me so much so that they are giving me all these special beauty treatments but when I look in the mirror, I expect to see Gisele Bundchen to look back but instead I see my own bored face staring back at me. Meh.

Jokes aside (really?), I would like to say THANK YOU to EVERYONE who had been there putting up with my crazy rollercoaster ride preparing for this wedding, THANK YOU to those who gave me a lot of their time and energy and *ahem* money for this wedding, THANK YOU to my mom who despite managed to make me clawed my walls ala Wolverine several times a day, helped me in every kind of way to make this wedding a great one, THANK YOU to my husband-to-be-in-just-1-day-to-go for keeping it strong despite me saying “Let’s get married with a pair of baboons instead coz I don’t think the dramas will permanently damage us for life” and THANK YOU to my friends in Twitter and my readers here. You guys are awesome and I love each and every one of you!

One last post of The Wedding Drama after tomorrow and I’m done, no more wedding dramas, hello Married Life!

I started out with this Wedding Drama post NOT to teach/inform people about what’s what, where, which, who etc about wedding preparations. I think there’s bazillion blogs out there writing about THAT. Me, I wrote this to share with you what are the typical kinds of experience a bride-to-be experienced. The family, the pressure, the friends, the stress, the tears, the madness, the serial killer lying dormant inside of you wanting to stab those who change your initial programs and etc etc.

Tomorrow’s the DAY! Upon many request, I’ll try to Tweet as much as I can throughout the whole session. Not a promise. I said I’LL TRY.

Wish me luck!

Later days!

 

Things you shouldn’t say to other people even if you meant well

1. “What happen to your face? You’re pimples are getting worst! I know about this good facial place that’ll sure help to fix your face. Trust me.” 

Yeah, about that... you see, my skin is currently at its best condition. Trust ME. So... yeah... Wow. Awkward isn't it? Here, eat this dung.

2. “Not that we want to bring it up, but you know your current status right? So always remember THAT and try to behave when you’re in front of his family. We just don’t want people to talk you know? Especially when people know your status...” 

What’s my status again? Oh yeah. You’ve been MAKING IT SUPER CRYSTAL CLEAR ten million times in one statement. Yes. Yes. So I’m a divorcee. Why won’t you BLOG about it so all my readers can read about it too? 

3. How did you manage to get a job in that company? I can’t believe it! I mean, you only have ... what? A diploma? (chuckle) 

Want to meet my best friend, Ms-Slap-A-Lot? She’s dying to meet you (grinning) 

4. You should find yourself a rich husband! Then you don’t have to work for money. You can relax at home and take care of your kids. 

Why would I want to rely on my husband financially when I can be financially independent on my own? What happen if my “rich husband” cheated on me and divorce me? Is he still going to finance my life? NO! Been there done that. Go read Kim Kiyosaki RICH WOMAN book and MAYBE you’ll understand what I mean.

5. I’m jealous! You’re so skinny! How did you achieve it? I mean, it’s so easy to be so skinny. You can wear everything. You don’t have to worry when wearing a low cut dress coz your flat chest won’t be attracting people’s attention! 

Thanks. I’m FLATTERED (put intended) So very flattered that this flat chest would like to challenge your saggy fat breast on who can stay perky when we reach 50 years old. 

Bring it! 

20 Memorable Moments in 2010

1.       I GOT ENGAGED!

2.       Then I received my first diamond ring from the Mister! (I'm getting another one from him this Saturday but that'll be in 2011 list of memorable moments)

3.       I went to Singapore 3 times this year.  Go, me!

4.      To mark 20 years of our friendship, me and my best friend, Aveen, went on a killer rollercoaster ride in Universal Studio. It was our way of reunion after a long break of not seeing each other and both of us lost our voice for 5 minutes after screaming our lungs out.

5.      Twice went on a mother-daughter trip to KL and Singapore. It was a good bonding session, I must admit.

6.      Spend shitload of money on my iPhone 3GS just to find out 4G was coming out a month or two after that. Damn.

7.      Had my fortune read by a palm-reader for the first time ever! I’ll blog about this someday.

8.       Had a good 1-to-1 session with a very respectable, very influential Life Guru.

9.       Attended an EQ course that taught me to forgive.

10.   First time donated blood!

11.   Said goodbye to some friends…

12.   Then made so many new friends through Twitter that when we finally get to hang out, we spend the whole time Twittering instead. FOL!

13.   I found Bandit, my old cat on Valentine’s Day. I lost him again a week after that.

14.   I signed off my release towards my last hold of the past. Thank you for the memories. I’m making a new one. Better and happier than ever. Syukur alhamdulillah!

15.   I helped to organize a few charity drives. The experience totally opened up my eyes towards those in needs and humbled me to a point where I cried and feel less deserving to have all the material stuff money can buy. I vowed to give out more and currently looking for those in need of a TV coz I’m giving it away. It’s a good Sony TV in an excellent form. Maybe I'll blog about this one day... Gah! Time!

16.   By the by, I sold 80% of my books and all the money went to an animal shelter in Miri. Parting with my books was not an easy feat but I did it. It was just another step in letting go and not get too attach with material objects.

17.   At the age of 29, I finally get to step foot at our National Museum. FML.

18.   Spend more time out of Miri than ever! Traveling. Traveling. Traveling. Traveling. I love it!

19.    Read more than 50 books this year! Bongkersz once said “50 books a year is nothing to Balqiz” Ya think? It was not THAT easy as I was sooo busy with a lot of things that reading was no longer a priority (gasp!)

20.    Own my very own DS Player (birthday gift from the Mister) and was so addicted playing with it that for a month plus, my brain was all over the floor. Messy.

I can only think of 20 when actually there are more than that but I can't remember and besides, I'm writing this as fast as I can coz I need to go out and run some errands for last minute thing for the wedding this Saturday. Gasp! My wedding is this Saturday! MAD!

Later days, folks!

Wedding Drama Part 10 ~Continuity from Part 7

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Wedding Drama Part 10 ~Continuity from Part 8 PASSWORD: fuckthisshit

I’m jotting this down AGAIN to remind myself what I went through for the past 6 months in preparing for my wedding.

At first, everything goes smoothly. Me and N arranged everything and all went smoothly. I was so happy that there were little hiccups along the way. The hiccups were little coz when one problem aroused, something came up to solve it in a nick of time.

Then as the day gets nearer, major problems starts to pops up. And the main contributor was my Mom. From my makeup to my wedding dress to my venue to my time management to EVERY-FUCKING-THING, she criticized, she complained, she compared, she nagged, nagged, nagged and worst, she intervened and changed.

As a daughter, I wanted to please her while at the same time, trying to work together so we can both achieve the same goal –to have a successful, nice and memorable wedding.

But it seems like her goal is to satisfy her every whims without acknowledging my wish at all.

She took over the majlis Akad Nikah by making it from 20 people invited to 200. She insisted to have a grand wedding at the Mosque and invited 98% of her friends and family. She insisted to have the Tepung Tawar at the Mosque coz it is more “berkat” and because of that, I won’t be able to slot that agenda in my reception. She insisted that me and the Mister “bersanding” at the Mosque and insisted to have a “pelamin” there as well.

After much arguing, I relented. I admit defeat and let her have her way. Inside, I was broken hearted but as long as Mom’s happy right? Right…

Then she kept asking me whether there’ll be seats in the hotel coz she wanted to invite her own friends there. I said no. No. No. No. Enough is enough.

She then made my life much more of a nightmare by hinting HER ceremony at the mosque will be much merrier and better than mine in Marriott Hotel. It goes on and on and on for E-VE-RY-FUCKING TIME I SEE HER.

Yes, I know, what the fuck right? Why do you want to compete? It’s the same bloody thing! The only difference is that one is Akad Nikah and the other is the reception!

 I secretly think my mom is a bit crazy. Like seriously!

Stress max. Totally.

Dear God, give me strength…

I don’t think you even realized that no one here thinks highly of you regardless how “hard working” you seems to be.

I don’t think you’re that great when you strut like you’ve a stick up your ass just coz you think you did a job well done.

I don’t think you know how everybody here can see what suck-up you are, an empty can walking and talking making too much noise trying hard to be seen.

I don’t think that you care no one in particular like you as a person as long as the upper people are happy with you.

But what you did to me today just signed your soul straight to hell.  You think by raising your voice and reprimanding me over a small matter right in front of my direct superior shows how awesome, powerful and right you are, think again asshole. When he’s quiet it does not mean he’s supporting you. He was mighty pissed at you. I know. he just told me.

I can’t wait to see the fireworks. It’s coming to you sooner than I hope. You’ll see.

By the way, up yours.

Wedding Drama Part 9 ~ Makeup

Phew! After many dramas trials, I FINALLY found a wedding makeup artist that EVERYONE agreed with.

Guess what? My super short hair? He successfully put it up into a bun!

"HOW CAN?! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE?!" everyone screamed hysterically.

I know. I myself couldn't believe it until he showed me how it was done and voila! Surprised, me!

Spot the difference? From here, not so much I guess. But if you see me with and without makeup, oh boy. It’s like comparing a naked shaven baboon with a silver spoon. MAJOR BIG DIFFERENCE Y'ALL.

Later days!

Smile a Little! It's Your Birthday!

Have a great one, Sweetheart.
I love you!

Wedding Drama Part 8 ~Wedding Shoe

 

Back when I was in JB, Aveen asked me what else do I need for my wedding. 

 

I said, "A pair of white shoes. I've an idea how it looks like but I haven't had the time yet to look for one." 

 

Just as I said that, we stepped into a shoe shop in one of the mall in JB and voila! 

 

There, on the shelve displayed my perfect shoe! I tried it and it was a perfect fit. I paid for it and was grinning ear to ear when Aveen said, "Dude, you're one lucky bride-to-be! Seems like everything you want just appear right in front of you" 

 

"I know right? It's so awesome!" I laughed. 

 

"Scary a bit though... you've been wanting/wishing a lot of stuff lately and all come rolling to you. Lucky but freaky" said my best friend while giving a slight shudder. 

 

Well, what can I say? I'm just born lucky I guess.

Mandi Bunga (Flower Bath)

Mandi Bunga is a Malay custom done to remove/avoid interference of pesky spirits as well as to give a beautiful glow to face and at the same time to bring luck to the bride to be.   

The Journey is About to Begin

Girl: Why are you following me?

Boy: My mother taught me to always follow my dream

7 days to go...

Wedding Drama Part 7 One Disaster After Another

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Wedding Drama Part 7 One Disaster After Another -PASSWORD fuckthisshit

The entire laid out plan gone FTW in just 10 days before the wedding. Who wouldn’t want to jump off the highest building now?

Two months ago I wrote something in here that made the whole family angry and boycott my wedding. It was a harmless matter but they take it to heart. My say? Whatever. Does not bother me one bit. But Mom was making a big fuss over it by crying and blaming me and asking me to stop writing or better yet, delete this blog entirely. I keep quiet and stubbornly refused to bend to her or her family’s will.

Then, my friend M said she can’t attend my wedding as she’ll be outstation. She's supposed to be one of the MC during my reception night. She apologized and I managed to get a replacement. It still sucks still coz I wanted her to be on my wedding. She’s one of my closest friends and she can’t be there.

Then the other MC said he might not be able to attend as my wedding date clash with his company’s dinner. Hand me the flame thrower please? I need to burn something up. Anything. I’m THAT frustrated.

Then Mom said she doesn’t like my wedding gown and insisted I changed it to something more to her taste. Luckily I managed to find a dress that suits EVERYONE’S TASTE but I still prefer the previous one I handpicked myself but majority rules. I relented and cried a little inside.

I had to change my bridesmaid because the original one gave me one fuck up bitchy attitude. Not a big deal. I asked N’s sister instead and she leaped to the opportunity.

Then everyone voiced out that the person I hired to do my makeup is not good enough and that I should find someone else. Pulling my hair out, I managed to secure another one WHICH everyone agreed (not entirely everyone but you can’t please all) and she’s charging me a solid RM500. Fine. Whatever.

Then Mom dropped the ultimate bad news. She’s changing my entire wedding reception plan by taking away my main program and inserts it in the Akad Nikah instead.

That was the final straw. I threw up in the toilet and cried myself to sleep. NOT!

I just held my head up high and kept all the bitterness, the frustration and the anger inside.

Today I’m bursting it out in here. That’s my retribution.

What’s next?

Bring it on *crack knuckles*

Henna Night

The mister's sister's henna night.

17th December 2010.

Henna was done by the Mister himself.

 

Peer Pressure...

... is when everyone and I mean E-VE-RY-ONE including our parents and uncles and aunties and nieces and nephews and PETS have Facebook and I don’t.

I disabled mine just as soon as I reached 500 friends. I feel much, much happier without it. I hate the pretense, the constant show-offs, the incoherent dimwitted status updates, the irritating photo tagging, the invitation to don’t-you-have-a-life games like Farmville, the stalking and oh the STALKING! Mind your own bloody business please!

Yes, I’m better off without Facebook.

But when friends told me of some photos they added or news or birthdays that I don’t know about, it makes me go ARRRGHHHHH!!!!

Oh well. No biggie. So far, I’ve lived without it for close to half a year I think and the nagging peer pressure only bugs me once a while.

I still have my Twitter.

Go Twitter!

Currently...

... Busy rereading all Harry Potter books

... Busy with the Mister's sister's wedding 

... Busy with WORK, WORK, WORK!

... Busy with my wedding preparation

... Busy with LIFE! 

Yeay me!

Bloooooooooooood! Blooooood! I... Give... Bloood......

I listed donating blood as one of the things I want to do in my life list. All these while I couldn’t donate blood because:

1. My frying pan was heavier than me (39kg! WHAT THE DUCK!)

2. My hemoglobin count was below 12.5 g/dL

3. I don’t want to give what’s mine NYE NYE NYE NYE NYE NYE (Yes, yes I was as childish as a 100 years old tuna can)

4. I keep picturing myself turning into a bat for no apparent reason (I’ve weird imagination you should know that by now)

But this year, when my company organized a blood donation drive, I jumped in to volunteer and at the same time –DONATE MY SUPER PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS GLITTERING YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT RED BLOOD.

Since I was the ONLY one there who NEVER had her blood taken more than a prick, hotdamn, I was given a VIP treatment y’all! The way my colleagues and the blood bank people treated me, you would think that any given time I would either run away like a cowardly bitch or suddenly DIE right in front of their eyes. The more they hover and asked, “Are you okay? How do you feel? Have you had breakfast? No? Here are 500 hard boiled eggs! EAT! EAAAAAAAT! EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!” And all that BEFORE I EVEN GET MY FINGER PRICK TO CHECK MY HEMOGLOBIN COUNT!

They can’t help it. I’m lovable. Cue to vomit profusely to the nearest exit.

I filled in a form, stated my exact weight now (50.4kg –same weight as a hippo’s thigh) and waited for my turn to get my finger prick for blood check for:

1. Amount of my hemoglobin (Minimum is 12.5 g/dL. Mine was 14.5 g/dL)

2. My blood type (O positive)

3. Whether it’s true my blood glitters like Edward’s deformed left nipple (Sadly it’s not)

Once done, they check my blood pressure and due to all the excitement and nervousness and my ability to eat rocks, the reading came out 100/70. The lady person who saw this was not very happy with the result and for a brief moment, I thought she was going to say “No, you can’t donate blood. But you can donate your nice ass instead” but instead she said, “FUCK THIS! YOU’VE AWESOME BLOOD AND WE WANT IT SO LET’S TAKE EM, BITCH!” I think it goes something like that… I can’t remember exactly what she said (whistling to a Christmas song)

So I sat down on a nice reclining chair and a guy came and asked me to relax as he did all what was needed to be done and next thing you know, wow… my blood… was… not glittering. How de-fuckin-lighted.

Took a while though to fill in a small bag. I kept squeezing a PVC pipe that they asked me to squeeze with the arm they just punctured with one huge-ass needle, hoping my blood would pour out like a fountain but nothing close to that ever happen sorry to disappoint myself. I had a big expectation like maybe the blood tube suddenly burst and splatter people around me with my magical blood and heal their financial problem and I would be hail as the king of the world but yeah, didn’t happen. Dis-fucking-pointed. Again.

After they took all my blood and left me all dried up with only my skin and bones to support my life… (KIDDING!) I rested a bit then got up and expected a world-whirl of dizziness but na’ah nothing like that happen. Only after a while that I felt tired and sleepy. I thought it was because it was near lunch time (I usually take a short nap during lunch) but it lasted the rest of the day and that night, by 8:30pm, I was snoring up a storm.

I hope my blood is healthy enough to be used by those in need. Even if it does not glitter.

Later days!

At this rate I'm going, by year end, I'll have a handful of SCORES to keep me happy until someone invented the internet oh wait...

As far as I can remember, he has been known as a ‘smooth/sweet talker’ by most women around him.

When I was just his friend (we were friends for 10 years before we dated), this ‘skill’ of his made me say, “OoOoOo! Shooo shweet and romantic!” but when he used it on me during our ‘courtship’, I screamed, “BEAUTIFUL? ME? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY? IS IT BECAUSE I SUFFOCATE YOU WITH MY PERFUME? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” slapping my knees hard and continue guffawing like a mental lumberjack with spits running down my chin.

Yes. Yes. I wondered the same thing too every single day of my life. Why would he want to marry me?

When he switches off his ‘sweet talker’ mode, he’ll use his ultimate gift of all: THE ABILITY TO interact with E-VE-RY-BO-DY AND A-NY-BO-DY on this planet regardless of their status, age, gender, strangers, friends or family AND, AND, AND they instantly warm up to him and become friends for life. READ: FRIENDS FOR LIFE!

Believe me, if he wanted to, he can charm a tube of toothpaste to communicate with him and next thing you know, the toothpaste and him have matching BFF bracelets together. Hmph.

I hate that about him. It comes so easy for him to start a conversation with people whereas I get tongue tied, feeling extremely awkward, and eyes darting towards the nearest exit when I’m with people ESPECIALLY STRANGERS. Why do you think I’m only loud in my blog but quiet when you see me face to face?

But one day, something happened that wobbled his self-confident and question his gift of charm (Insert evil laughter)

The mister went to a nearby food stall to buy us dinner one night. I stayed home watching CRIMINAL MINDS LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS okay digressing much, meh.

Then he came back, he was muttering to himself with confused expression all over his face. I asked what’s up.

The mister: The guy who made the burger had such sour face!

Me: U’huh… (Thinking myself: So?)

The mister: He was so unfriendly! He didn’t even look up or talk or anything! I had to deal with his assistant instead (furious)

Me: Oooookaaay… so you talk to his assistant and not the owner?

The mister: Yes!

Me: Oookaaaay… is it degrading your standard to talk to an assistant instead of the person who made the burger?

The mister: NO! It’s just weird that the guy didn’t talk to me. I’m his customer!

Me: U’huh. So… this is the first time people refuse to talk to you huh?

The mister: YES! It’s CRAZY!

Me: SCORE!

******************************************************
Holy fucknuts! I just HAD to share this ultimate extreme cyooooteness of glutton display! Suddenly I'm craving for broccoli soup...

 

Kihkihkihkih...

(Insert a romantic scene)



The mister: I love watching you. There are times I watch you without you knowing it. I watch you when you read or when you’re playing with your camera or when you're busy in the kitchen. I can see your mind is miles away, like as if you're in your own world. You tend to smile to yourself, muttering and sometimes even laugh to yourself and it made me think, "I'm so lucky I found her"

Me: What? PERV!



Yes. Yes. Kill joy, me.

My Integrity

Integrity: being so clear about your values that you make sure everything in your life lines up with them –even if it means giving up financial gain or prestige.

I abhor the act of mate poaching. No matter what is the excuse, it is still vile and despicable. I stand by my ground by not supporting it, come what may. That’s my integrity.

“Consciousness must include conscience; as the soul gains greater awareness of itself, it also acquires an inner voice or moral life. This morality must be generated from within; as long as laws or dictates are stamped on the personality from the outside, the Self will not develop real strength of character” ~Flower Essence Repertory

Does being selfish worth the pleasure you’re gaining?

Why refuse to see reason when logic is right in front of you?

But who listens to logic nowadays I wonder...?



 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own even if she never wants
to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her
dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black
lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who
lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone
else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a
recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't
take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

~Pamela Redmon Satran

Photo: Mimosa Pudica (Daun Semalu)

 

A Dear Diary Moment ~Performance Evaluation

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Incoherent, Random & Shitty Thoughts

Last night, I dreamed Avril Lavingne was driving my car. I can’t tell which is worst: the fact that I dreamed of a dying-breed-of-a-teenage-angst-punk-rock-singer DRIVING my small, dirty car; or that after all these years, I STILL DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SPELL HER SURNAME CORRECTLY.

***

I closed my blog’s comment because I don’t care to read your judgment about me. Especially about this nice blog layout I spend my WHOLE LIFE fixing.

***

At this very moment, from my window I can see massive black smoke coming from… wherever that is. I can’t tell whether it’s a bush fire or a house on fire or a person on fire. It fascinates me to watch it until I realized ‘hey, maybe I should call someone to tell them about the smoke’ but then again, since it’s a massive thing, someone out there should’ve already done that. I hope.

***

Today is one of those days that I wake up feeling and looking like a zombie. Adore me.

***

I had car sick the whole time when the Mister drives in Miri. It was a profound moment when I decided there and then that I should vomit profusely in his car one of these days to teach him a lesson to DRIVE LIKE A SANE PERSON FOR GOD SAKE.

***

I uploaded the Twitbird Pro app for iPhone thinking THIS IS SO GONNA BE SO AWESOME SQUEEEEEEEE but turns out it is EXACTLY THE SAME like the free Twitbird. Just minus advertisement. Oh whoopie-do.

***

The reason why I would spend a lot of money buying DVD of my favorite TV series is so that I can pause, rewind and fast forward scenes as many times as I want. Everything is just at the tip of my finger (insert Count Dracula’s sinister laugh)

***

I just finished a sandwich the size of your face for breakfast. I’m amazed with my ability to devour food when I’m hungry at 8 in the morning. Next, roasted raccoon pasta for lunch.

***

Friends have been talking about bikini wax. Wow. Bikini wax FINALLY has arrived in Miri. I’m so excited (bland voice) I don’t know whether ripping off my vajayjay brutally excites me or will it relieve me of some tedious womanly chores. We’ll see.

Thank you for the fact that the things I cannot change are the things you love

I am rich despite not having expensive material objects.

I am loved because I am lovable.

I am soft despite my hard exterior.

I am honest despite being lied and cheated before.

I am funny because I can laugh at myself.

I am strong because I was raised by a strong woman.

I am awesome because I survived.

I am beautiful despite my scars and broken past.

I am brilliant despite hearing voices in my head (KIDDING!)

I am fun because I know how to.

I am pampered by everyone around me and especially by me, myself and I.

I am sensible and wise because life is a good teacher.

I am a forgiver because I am able to forgive (but I won’t forget!)

I am silly and giggly because I'm still a little girl at heart.

I am lucky. So very lucky. You won’t believe what an absolutely lucky person I am!

I am safe because I’m protected.

I am caring and super soft-hearted (according to the Mister and I secretly agree *bawling my eyes out*)

I am perfect despite some of my flaws.

I am gullible because I choose to believe people are good and honest.

I am a success because I am.


So, what are you?

“You are beautiful just the way you are. We don't change beautiful."

~Karen Walrond

What is there to life? Life is awesome when...

... when there are idiots like you around. Life becomes a land of many uncontrollable bouts of nasty giggles coming from right underneath your bed.

You are welcome.