In the next few months, I will be embarking a new chapter in my life. I applied for SVS from the company I worked for 10 years (and no, I didn’t make the decision overnight) and for the first time in a long, long time, I let go and embrace the unknown that spread in my future.
The last time I took a dive knowing and believing God is
there to guide me was when I married Joe. You see, I always fashioned myself as
a control freak. Wanting to plan, know and control every step of my life. I
planned when to be married, to have kids, where they would study, what’s for
lunch, what I would study and where would it bring me. I was a rigid planner
who gets hives when my plans went awry.
But as years go by, I started to see a pattern with my
plans- nothing goes as I plan it to be! Okay, probably what I plan for lunch
happened once in a while. But overall, most didn’t go where I wanted it to be
but instead it lead me to somewhere much, much better.
If I didn’t take a job as an XX in a XY department, I won’t
meet a colleague who introduced me to my current passion right now. If I didn’t
meet Joe, I wouldn’t have my herb garden now (my father in law gave me my first
herb) and I would not ever in my entire lifetime guess that I love gardening.
If I were not placed in a new team after the first company restructuring, I
probably would still be thinking about my 8-5 job, earning salary every month
and occasionally treating myself for a vacation or two (I’ll talk about this in
a different post)
What I realized from here is that I am a planner but God is
the better planner and He knows what’s best for me. I can plan and be adamant
to follow rigidly my plan until my eyeballs cry blood but if He, The One Who
Knows More, say, “Balkizz, that idea suck balls. I have better one for you.
Here, catch!” and more often that not, I caught it and I’m glad I did.
And for that, whatever happens after this decision has been made,
I say Alhamdulillah.
